Tag: Funny News

Penis Lipstick Instagram Invasion

Lipstick Penises and Penis shaped lip sticks seem to be invading Instagram. The Instagram penis lipstick invasion has seen a new cute lipstick penis trend. Pinterest and Instagram blogger have been taking a lot of lipstick penis pictures lately. Lipstick penis, penis lipstick, lipstick penises, penis shaped lipsticks, dick lipsticks!!

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Lipsticks shaped like penises are a thing and we don’t know how to feel

AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ALL BEAUTY AND PENIS ENTHUSIASTS: Lipsticks shaped liked penises exist in the world.

Yep. Here’s the beauty product you’ve been waiting for all your life. They’ve actually been around for a few years now, but they’re suddenly popping up on Instagram all over again.

I mean. There’s really not much to say other than this: these are lipsticks shaped like penises. They have tiny veins etched along the side. They come in plenty of colours that would not be healthy for an actual penis to be. Some of them have a touch of shimmer.

The lipsticks are mostly sold as cute little hen do gifts, because everyone loves to celebrate the joy of matrimony by smearing a dick on their lips.

But hey. Even if you’re not getting hitched, perhaps you’ll still enjoy the glory of having a bunch of teeny-tiny penis lipsticks in your makeup bag.

You can buy them through Etsy. To be fair, they’re actually really reasonably priced and come in fairly wearable shades.

And we think the penis tip would actually give pretty decent application.

Brian Zembic wins a $100,000USD by getting breast implants and keeping them

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Man gets breast implants for £68,000 bet, keeps them for 20 years

You know who’s got balls? Brian Zembic’s got balls. 

And boobs, too, after his friend bet him $100,000 (£68,000) that he wouldn’t get breast implants – something no man should ever bet a self-confessed gambler.

Because whether it’s spending an entire month locked in his friend’s bathroom or a night under a bridge with $10,000 (£7,000) tied to his feet, there’s little Brian won’t do for a bet.

So it won’t come as much of a surprise when we tell you it didn’t take him much convincing to go ahead with the breast implants.

‘About 1997-ish, I was in some restaurant in Europe and I was with two friends and his girlfriend at the time was flaunting her boobs and I said to my friend: ‘If I had boobs like hers I could get just as much attention as she would’, he told E!.

‘Then he came up with $100k and I shook his hand and that was it, it was a bet.’

Apparently, it wasn’t hard to get the surgery in the slightest. Brian knew a plastic surgeon who was also a gambler in New York. He went to his office and simply asked: ‘Can you put boobs in for me?’.

Knowing Brian Zembic all too well, the surgeon was aware it was a bet straight away.

So, how do you think Brian paid for his boob job?

By playing backgammon with the surgeon for an hour, and winning $5,000 (£3,000).

Yeah, he really does know what he’s doing.

All this happened almost 20 years ago – despite the original bet stipulating that Brian had to keep his implants for one year to get the $100,000.

He would receive another $10,000 for every year he kept them in after that.

But no one expected Brian to keep them in for 20 years. Not even Brian.

Though Brian’s friend described the breast implants as ‘the best $100,000 he’s ever lost’, Brian will star on Botched on American channel E! tonight at 9pm, a show that is totally focused around plastic surgery disasters.

What we don’t know, is exactly what Brian Zembic will be saying on the show. Is he finally getting rid of the boobs? Is he going up a size? Is his whole appearance on the show a bet?

Probably.

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High School Teacher Suspended for showing students THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2

High School Torture Porn mythical beast The Human Centipede reaction? Human Centipede 2 is a new wave of hardcore extreme horror porn, torture porn films that are evolutions of the Hostel and SAW horror torture genre. However a High School teacher has shown his high school students The Human Centipede 2, torture porn high school students was shocked to see. High school torture porn shock? School kids human centipede 2!

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Teacher suspended for showing high school class Human Centipede 2

And you thought your high school experience sucked: Some unlucky (or maybe lucky, depending on their feelings toward gross-out B-movies) students at a Tennessee school had to watch Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) during class — and parents weren’t happy.

For the uninitiated, The Human Centipede series revolves around a train of humans sewn together in, uh, let’s just say really gross ways. The second film follows a man who watches the first movie and then creates his own centipede. It was so grotesque that the British Board of Film Classification initially refused to give it a classification, therefore preventing it from entering U.K. theaters. (They later gave it an “18” classification after cuts were made.)

Why a teacher decided to show students this film is unclear, though franchise director Tom Six totally supports it: “It should be mandatory to watch THC2 in school classes,” he tweeted in response to the news. “It deals with a character that is bullied and what to do!”

Superintendent Verna Ruffin disagrees. “The matter has been addressed,” she told The Jackson Sun. “It is inappropriate and unacceptable.” A press release from the school obtained by Jackson Sun reporter Katherine Burgess specifies that the district has launched “an internal investigation regarding the alleged viewing of an inappropriate film” and that the teacher “was immediately suspended and remains suspended pending the outcome of the investigation.”

That’s not the greatest news for this torture porn-loving teacher, but there is a silver lining. “This awesome teacher gets a specially signed copy of THC2 from me!” Six tweeted. But what about those poor students, Six? 


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Heinz QR Code Hardcore Porn error sends customers to Hardcore Porn streaming website

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Heinz has been forced to apologise after a QR code on its iconic ketchup bottle redirected one customer to a hardcore porn website.

Daniel Korell scanned the QR code – an optical label which stores data including URLs – thinking he was about to be redirected to a promotional Heinz website to design his own ketchup bottle label.

However, the German man was instead sent to a hardcore pornography website.

US food company Heinz ran its label designing competition between 2012 and 2014. Unfortunately, the website address for the Heinz promotion expired earlier this year.

German porn website FunDorado recently nabbed the ex-Heinz web address and used the domain to host its own pornographic content, The Local has reported.

This is why the two-year-old Heinz QR code began redirecting users to a porn-filled website.

We really regret the event very much and we're happy to take your suggestions for how we implement future campaigns on board
Heinz
Mr Korell informed Heinz about the repurposing of their promotional website via the firm's Facebook page.

He wrote that the ketchup "probably isn't for minors" and blasted the firm for allowing its domain to expire so soon after the promotion.

Heinz replied: "We really regret the event very much and we're happy to take your suggestions for how we implement future campaigns on board." 

The baked bean firm told Mr Korell he would receive a free bottle of ketchup, with his own custom label.

Porn website FunDorado later commented on the same Facebook thread offering the unhappy customer a free one-year subscription to its hardcore webpage, The Verge reports.

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Homemade Keyboard Sex Toy with EStim Vaginal Dildo Probe Sold On Ebay

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If music really turns you on – and many eminent psychologists say it can – then this is the sex toy for you.

A guy in the US has taken his keyboard apart to create something he believes is quite wonderful.

The speaker has been swapped for an E-stimulation sex toy, and the contraption’s creator promises ‘electric sensations’, saying rhythm patters ‘act as e-stim programs’.

Known as the Casio SK-1 E-stim BDSM Sex Toy circuit bent bondage, it’s up for sale on Ebay right now, at a cost of $229, or £151.

The product description boldly states: ‘It can still function as a “normal” keyboard if you attach a speaker or headphones to the output – but the speaker has been removed and replaced with parts to turn it into an e-stim device.

‘A 3.5mm output jack has been added, so when standard lead wires are attached it functions as an electric sex toy.

‘The “sounds” become electric sensations.’

It comes with ‘two sets of pads and a new, sealed vaginal insertable’.

And it boldly promises: ‘Buy this, attach the pads or insert the probe, turn the volume about half way up, and be amazed.’

A couple of years ago, a study by journal Frontiers in Psychology found a small percentage of people can experience a ‘skin orgasm’ from music.

As for the sex toy, the eBay seller promises there’s a lot more to come.

They wrote: ‘Note that I will have other e-stim device auctions in the near future, including more SK-1s and some Yamaha PSS-140’s that are very powerful.’

Promises, promises.

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Horny Ghost Inspires Penis Theme Park

Penis Park South Korea, A penis themed park in South Korea. The South Korean Penis Park, Park Of Penises is to help ward off a horny ghost. Wondrous wang park, park of wang, penis statues, dick park filled with dick statues, dick sculptures in a penis theme park of dicks and wangs. Giant dick pictures, giant dick sculptures, giant dick statues. A great tourist attraction for South Korea you dont expect to find when Googling "Tourist Attractions South Korea

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This isn’t really a park where you’d take your children for a picnic. 

Todgers to the left, tackle to the right, which ever way you come and go, there are literally wangers everywhere!

No, you haven’t stumbled into one of Soho’s sex shops – this is Haesindang Park, in South Korea.

Dozens of sculptures have been erected… uh-hum… showing the phallic form in a variety of interesting ways.

This isn’t down to a couple of architects having a laugh, there’s actually a tragic legend behind it all.

It is believed a virgin drowned off the rocks near the park which caused a local fishing business to dry up.

The town was said to be cursed until a fisherman relieved himself in the sea and he was suddenly able to catch fish again… gross!

But villagers detected an angry virgin spirit left in the air.

So they decided to make giant phallic statues to appease her horny ghost. Obviously.

The photos were taken by a flabbergasted John Crux, a photographer from Wembley Down, Australia.

The 30-year-old said he Googled the best places to see in South Korea and amid the usual results of temples and national parks, he stumbled across mens’ shafts.

    I was amazed and a little confused the entire time I was here – the place had a genuine purpose behind why it was first created, but what people I did see there were all having their photo taken hugging the statues.

    The park was a lot bigger than I expected and the statues are everywhere. Some of them are seriously artistic masterpieces though.

    Watching old Korean people hugging penis statues and acting like children was quite entertaining.

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Woman Dies Choking On Cucumber Sex Toy

German man in cucumber sex toy death accident. Woman Rica Varna chokes on cucumber in game game. Sex toy death with cucumber. Deadly sex toys. Funny sex toy accidents. Cucumber dildo, deadly dildo. Oliver Dietmann, cucumber oral sex.

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Salesman Oliver Dietmann, who accidentally killed his lover while using a cucumber as a sex toy goes on trial for negligent homicide in Germany

Oliver Dietmann, 46, could be jailed for five years for the bedroom death of his lover Rica Varna, also 46.

The court in Mannheim where he is on trial had members of his victim's family including her father and sister in the public gallery hearing the sordid details of the episode, which also featured a bunch of carrots and some courgettes.

He told the court he and his lover 'often used vegetables' as a substitute for sex toys.  

He said he had met Rica in 2004, their relationship turning sexual five years later. on July 19 2014 he invited her around to his place where the cucumber was used 'to pleasure her.'

He admitted that they had drunk four bottles of wine between them and several glasses of schnapps. A post mortem later showed that she was nearly four times over the legal limit to drive a car.

He told the court how after the cucumber had served its purpose 'I put it it in her mouth. But suddenly I saw there was smoke coming from the kitchen. I forgot that I had put a piece of meat on the stove for my dog.

'I ran to the kitchen, fed my dog and then went on to the balcony to smoke a cigarette.' He said when he returned to the bedroom, Rica was unconscious.

Read more: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3461885/Salesman-accidentally-killed-lover-using-cucumber-sex-toy-goes-trial-negligent-homicide-Germany.html#ixzz41x2qVik9
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook


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Chinese Farmer Uses Naked Sex Doll Scarecrow To Scare Pests


Chinese Scarecrow Sex Doll, the new farming tool. Naked Sex Doll Scarecrow in China helps scare pets. Scarecrow Chinese Sexdoll. Sex Sacrecrow doll scarey enough for farmers? Naked Blow up doll scarecrow. Blow up sex doll fun.

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When it comes to guarding a field of rapeseed and keeping away pests what could be better than a scarecrow?

Well, now you come to mention it – a retired blowup sex doll, perhaps?

These bizarre pictures, which have gone viral in China, show an inflatable sex toy easing into her retirement.

The muddy sex doll also wears a yellow safety helmet and has reportedly been a real turn off for pesky birds – and people.

The naked (and rather stained) blow-up doll is thought to have belonged to a worker at a construction site near the field in Chengdu, capital of China’s south-western Sichuan Province.

It was then found by a local rapeseed (Brassica napus, FYI) farmer, who stood it up in the patch of greenery in order to ward of crows and other unwanted pests.

The yellow helmet, which also belonged to the construction worker, was placed on the blow-up doll’s head in order to cover its jet-black hair and to add more realism to the unorthodox scarecrow.

Rapeseed, which is consumed in China as a vegetable, is also used around the world to make cooking oil.

It is reportedly the fastest growing vegetable oil in the United Kingdom because of its nutty flavour, health benefits – and also because it is home-grown. And UK shoppers are now increasingly turning to the cheaper and healthier alternative to olive oil.

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Man Changes Name To Bacon Double Cheeseburger

My Name Is Bacon Double Cheeseburger, a weird name change. Weird names are rare so why change your name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger? Deed poll name change to Bacon Double Cheeseburger. Food Names.

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Maverick changes name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger to keep YOLO alive

Fair play. Some people are all chat but this guy actually changed his name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger. 

Because Simon Smith was too boring.

We should be thanking you, BDC. The 33-year-old Londoner is just trying to keep YOLO alive.

He told the Sunday People: ‘A name is the least important part of your personality – it’s given to you by someone else.’

Inspiring. Truly inspiring. We could all learn a lot from this maverick.

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Apple Event – New iPhone SE and iPad Pro Confirmed. Prices and Specs

iPhone SE announcement. New iPad Pro and iPhone SE Confirmed at Apple Event Live Stream, 21 March 2016 – New iPhone SE announced, New iPhone SE Announcement for the March Apple Event. iPhone SE Price, Iphone SE Specs and iPad Pro Mini announced at Apple event March.

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mrhairybrit.com/2016/03/21/apple-event-new-iphone-se-apple-watch-macbook/

Apple is expected to announce a new 4-inch iPhone SE. The iPhone SE that combines the size of the iPhone 5S with features from the iPhone 6 and 6S, so 5 + 6 + 6S = iPhone SE. It will also supposedly be upgrading the 9.7-inch iPad, giving it updated internals, a Smart Connector, and Apple Pencil support imported from the iPad Pro. The Apple Watch may get some love in the form of new band colors and combinations, but rumors say not to expect a full hardware refresh just yet.

As expected, Apple at its 'Let Us Loop You In' event on Monday has unveiled a 4-inch iPhone. At the event, the company is also expected to unveil a 9.7-inch iPad Pro, and new Apple Watch Bands

Called the iPhone SE (where the SE is thought to stand for 'special edition'), the new Apple smartphone is meant to address both the demand for a smaller screen iPhone, as well as the demand for a cheap iPhone. The Apple iPhone SE features innards similar to the iPhone 6s, but comes with a design and form factor that's reminiscent of the iPhone 5s – the company's last 4-inch iPhone.

Looking nearly identical to the iPhone 5s, the iPhone SE comes with the colour variants introduced with the iPhone 6s – including Rose Gold. It also features more rounded edges on the top and bottom panels, more like the iPhone 6 than the iPhone 5s.

Apple has priced the iPhone SE 16GB at $399, while the 64GB variant is priced at $499. The new iPhone will go on sale on March 31, and will be in 100 countries by May. 

For specifications, the iPhone SE features the iPhone 6s' Apple A9 SoC and M9 motion coprocessor, 12-megapixel iSight (rear) camera with 4K video support, Bluetooth 4.2, improved Wi-Fi and LTE, new microphones, and Apple Pay support with a Touch ID fingerprint sensor.

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VirtuaDolls Adult VR Sex Game Controller

VirtuaDolls VR Sex Game Controller, VR Sex Toy, VR Sex Game Controller, Indiegogo VR Gaming Sex Toy Controller for horny gamers who want to have a VR porn game wank is now available. Virtual Reality porn sex adult gaming controller.

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Indiegogo – www.indiegogo.com/projects/virtuadolls-an-adult-vr-game-controller–2#/

VirtuaDolls is a system which allows hi-tech heavy breathers to strap on a VR helmet, sleep with simulated women and be pleasured by a device which responds to on-screen eroticism.

This could, for instance, allow gamers to watch a cyber-siren twerking whilst the silicon sex toy pulsates in time with her every gyration.

So many men rushed to pre-order this device on the crowdfunding site Indiegogo that its designers were forced to "put the project on hold".

In a series of tweets, the firm behind Virtuadolls admitted demand for their virtual vagina had been enormous.

Designed by the American company Eos, the VirtualDolls device is a "controller" which looks like a creepy silicon simulation of a woman's safe space.

It invites "players" to get involved in sex games, where they carry out missions and are rewarded with a ending which is best described as "happy".

VirtuaDolls ships with a title called Girls of Arcadia (pictured below) in which gamers have to save a damsel in distress.

If players can't be bothered rescuing the woman, they can just jump to "sim mode" in which they simply choose a woman and sex begins before the first date is even mooted, let alone completed.

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The British Tag – YouTube Tag Video

The British Tag, YouTube tag, The British Tag vlogs are a collection of very British people making videos about their very British Lives. YouTube The British Tag Questions, British YouTuber Tag, Tag Videos.

Check out Amy – www.youtube.com/channel/UCdiF7MxDp5A1kfn9q6jq8IQ
Tagging – StopJabbaingOn, TookItHomeToJenny 

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The British Tag Questions

1. How many cups of tea do you have a day? How many sugars?
2. Favourite part of your roast?
3. Favourite dunking biscuit?
4. Favourite quintessentially British pastime?
5. Favourite word?
6. Cockney rhyme slang?
7. Favourite sweet?
8. What would your pub be called?
9. No.1 British person?
10. Favourite shop / Restaurant?
11. What British song pops into your head?
12. Marmite?

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Furries Bombard Kellogg’s Tony The Tiger with Furry Porn

Furry Tony the Tiger as Kellogg's Tony The Tiger Porn is all the rage. Furries vs Tony The Tiger. Furry Fetish fans send Furry porn to Tony The Tiger. Animal Costume Fetish, Animal Sex Fetish in Furry Costumes aka Furries

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Kelloggs' Tony the Tiger begs sex-crazed fans to stop tweeting PORN at him 

The enthusiastic Kelloggs mascot was given his own Twitter account to champion Frosties and his less than extensive vocabulary but things took a sinister turn 

The internet can be a disturbing place and now it seems no-one – not even Tony the Tiger – is safe.

The enthusiastic Kelloggs mascot was given his own Twitter account to champion Frosties and his less than extensive vocabulary.

But the cereal-loving tiger's musings became hijacked by a little-known group who branded themselves 'furries'.

'Furries' are adults who dress in animal costumes for sexual purposes, and they seem to have made poor Tony their unsuspecting idol.

The @realtonytiger has been inundated with erotic messages and images , often giving a dark edge to some of his comments, such as: "Is there any better way to describe my #FrostedFlakes? #fillinyourGRRREAT" 

Among the responses were, "frost my flakes daddy" and "my flakes are dry, help a fox out daddy".

Despite Tony blocking a number of 'furries', the innuendo continued.

The exasperated big cat was forced to address the issue head-on today, tweeting: “I’m all for showing your stripes, feathers, etc. But let’s keep things gr-r-reat – & family-friendly if you could. Cubs could be watching."


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Kelloggs' Tony the Tiger begs sex-crazed fans to stop tweeting PORN at him

    19:49, 29 Jan 2016
    Updated 20:09, 29 Jan 2016
    By Richard Wheatstone

The enthusiastic Kelloggs mascot was given his own Twitter account to champion Frosties and his less than extensive vocabulary but things took a sinister turn

    99 shares 3 comments 

Twitter Tony The Tiger
Not Grrreat: 'Tony The Tiger' has been forced to call for an end to flithy tweets

The internet can be a disturbing place and now it seems no-one – not even Tony the Tiger – is safe.

The enthusiastic Kelloggs mascot was given his own Twitter account to champion Frosties and his less than extensive vocabulary.

But the cereal-loving tiger's musings became hijacked by a little-known group who branded themselves 'furries'.

'Furries' are adults who dress in animal costumes for sexual purposes, and they seem to have made poor Tony their unsuspecting idol.

Read more: Prankster rides crocodile lilo through alligator-infested pool as stunned people look on

The @realtonytiger has been inundated with erotic messages and images , often giving a dark edge to some of his comments, such as: "Is there any better way to describe my #FrostedFlakes? #fillinyourGRRREAT"

Among the responses were, "frost my flakes daddy" and "my flakes are dry, help a fox out daddy".

Despite Tony blocking a number of 'furries', the innuendo continued.

The exasperated big cat was forced to address the issue head-on today, tweeting: “I’m all for showing your stripes, feathers, etc. But let’s keep things gr-r-reat – & family-friendly if you could. Cubs could be watching."

In an even weirder twist, even Cheetos mascot Chester Cheetah jumped in after furries started tweeting at him.

One asked, “What would @ChesterCheetah think of being called Daddy by his adoring fans???”

The cheeky cheetah replied, “I welcome all fans to my twitter feed. Scales, feathers, or fur, if you enjoy my tweets then welcome!”

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If GUYS Woke Up PREGNANT ft. MrNotThatFamous @TheRealSinc

Guys wake up pregnant and give reaction interview. Pregnant males, sketch comedy skit interview about what guys would be like if they woke up pregnant – MrNotThatFamous & MrHairyBrit – Male pregnancy with pregnant belly comedy skit.

What would you do if you woke up pregnant?
Or watch the "Woke Up Female" video here – www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDMHlbasD0k

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Public Masturbation GuyFi Booths Installed In New York

GuyFi wank booths, masturbation stations, wank phone booths install in New York. GuyFi masturbation booths to ease stress in Manhattan.  New York wank booths?! Hot octopuss guyfi booth!

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A public masturbation booth has actually opened for stressed out guys who need self love.

Having a stressful day?

This company reckons it has the best way to, erm, relieve it for you.

It seems Guyfi reckons New Yorkers best respond to a hard day by tugging themselves off.

Now the company has set up a free masturbation booth in the street.

Yes, you read that right.

It’s basically like a phone booth with a chair, a laptop and a curtain. You make your own entertainment from there.

Whether a shifty-looking queue has formed outside the new booth yet is unclear, but its founders are optimistic.

Adam Lewis, who set it up, told hellou: ‘There’s no denying that working a nine to five job can be stressful on both your mind and body. Especially in a non-stop city like Manhattan.”

‘We are all about looking for new solutions to improve everyday life and we feel we’ve done just that with the new GuyFi booth.”

‘We hope the city’s men enjoy using the space we’ve created in whatever way they want. It’s completely free of charge.’

And he said giving guys a quick bit of private time will be beneficial to employees.

He said: ‘It’s really important for guys to look after themselves so that they can stay healthy and focus properly on the task in hand.

‘We’re told time and time again how beneficial it is to have a break away from your desk.’

Bit awkward to explain to your colleagues though, one would think.

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