Tag: comedy

Sex Toy That Orders Pizza For You When You Cum – CamSoda

Sex Toy That Orders Pizza For You When You Cum – CamSoda // RubGrub the sex toy that will order you food when you’re done having fun. This sex toy idea from Camsoda is an internet enabled vibrator that can order you are pizza at the click of a button.

Sex Toy That Orders Pizza For You When You Cum – Pizza has long been our top choice for the ideal post-sex food.

It’s easy to eat with your hands (it’s hard to go back to a civilised knife and fork job after you’ve been moaning absolute filth for the last twenty minutes), it’s okay to eat in bed, and it’s delicious.

But for years we have had to lie back and hope our sexual partners will take our very obvious hints and order pizza, or do the awkward post-sex waddle over to our laptops and order some food for our damn selves.

It’s a lot of effort when you’re luxuriating in a post-orgasm haze.

So naturally we rejoice at the invention of a vibrator that’ll order pizza for you once you’ve cum.

Like a considerate f*** buddy, The RubGrub will order pizza for you after orgasm without the need to move from the bed or talk to another human.

You simply press a button and voila, your pizza is ordered and you’ll have time to recover and throw some sweatpants on top of your sweatsoaked bod.

Here’s how it works, before you start imagining a sentient vibrator sensitive to your food-based needs.

The vibrator is fitted with an internet connected button that works in the same way as the Amazon Dash Button, connecting to your phone, which has your payment details and order preferences saved. You push the button and an order is made. Easy.

Now, it’s worth noting that this product isn’t available yet, and we haven’t tried it out for ourselves, so we can’t confirm just how easy it’ll be in practice.

Will the vibrator work with all pizza establishments? Could you programme it to order other food? Is there an easy way to cancel the order if you push the button accidentally?

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“New Year, New Me” Twatbags!

“New Year, New Me” Twatbags! We all have that one friend that repeats this saying like a parrot every year. New Year New Me idiots! Its the sure fire way to spot a twatbag a mile off. Why do you need to set new years resolutions to make the new year new me thing a thing? It shouldnt be New Year, New Me Meme… its should be New Day, New Me.

Set your #goals set your mind to it and go for it! New year new me resolutions to promise to lose weight, promise to goto the gym, promise to eat healthy, promise to excercise, promise to read more… dont just promise and chant the new year new me mantra, DO IT!

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8 HORRIFYING SEX ACCIDENTS That Will Make You Laugh (ep.01)

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Erotic accidents and horrifying sex accidents that will make you wince in horror. Funny porn sex accidents, erotic sex fails. Sex accidents like anal potatoes, penis bitten off, snapped penis, kama sutra sex mistakes, electric sex vibrator sex toys and spicy oral sex. Sex fails, porn sex accidents.

1. The concrete rectum

One experimental couple decided to mix things up in the bedroom in the most bizarre way imaginable when one of the chaps poured wet cement into the anus of his partner.

Surprisingly this didn’t end well and the lad was rushed to hospital when the substance started to set, causing him extreme amounts of pain.

Silver lining – the couple now have a lifelike cast of one of their rectums to remember the romantic occasion.

2. The electric saw vibrator

Where do people get their kinky ideas from? When a normal dildo isn’t enough, why not just attach your sex toy to an electric saw?

Oh, because it will cut your nether regions quite badly when put to use. D’uh. Police in the US brought no charges against this weird couple as no crime had been committed. Unless utter stupidity is a crime?

3. The bitten off penis

This story from Singapore will have every man sweating to within an inch of his life. A randy chap was being pleasured by his secret girlfriend in a parked car. A van reversed and accidentally bumped the car, giving the woman such a fright that her jaw snapped shut like a bear trap.

As the horrified man lost his pride and joy, he probably lost his marriage too. His wife had hired a private investigator who caught the whole thing on film. One of those days, eh?

4. The couple left sealed together

The Kama Sutra has brought many couples plenty of thrills but one married pair from Russia saw the dark side of this book.

They were enjoying the deck chair position which involved the woman being held almost like a wheelbarrow, when a leg spasm caused suction to go all wrong. The couple were sealed together and had to be loaded into the ambulance still in the position. That would have been entertaining for everyone in the A and E waiting room.

5. Curry night blisters

A woman in the US was admitted to hospital with serious bursting boils all over her vagina after her thoughtless hubby decided to perform an act of love after going out for a curry.

Hot stuff indeed – but probably a little too hot for this poor lady.

6. The penile fracture caused by mum

Ouch! Are these the worst ever sex injuries?

Solo sex can be a hazard too, so all of you singletons needn’t be breathing a sigh of relief quite yet. A man in his 60s was enthusiastically going at it in his bedroom when his mum unexpectedly came in. Diving for the door to slam her out before she was subjected to a ghastly sight, the man stumbled.

And the loud snap that followed is something from every man’s nightmares. Boners may not have actual bones but they can still break.

7. The inhaled condom

Runny noses and fevers are pretty standard symptoms so a lady from India didn’t pay much heed to her constant state of being under the weather until it had been happening for over a year. Visiting the doctor at last, she was informed that she had a condom in her lung.

Turns out she had accidentally inhaled it, somehow without noticing, while giving her boyfriend a treat.

8. The priest and the potato

The truth of this story may never be known but a man of the cloth in the UK shamefully visited the hospital to tell them that he had a potato lodged inside his backside.

Timidly explaining that he had been putting up curtains when he fell backwards onto the kitchen table where said spud was sitting, he was treated without question.

But we’re fairly sure there would have been a few doubts in the nurse’s mind that day.

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Woman Dies Choking On Cucumber Sex Toy

German man in cucumber sex toy death accident. Woman Rica Varna chokes on cucumber in game game. Sex toy death with cucumber. Deadly sex toys. Funny sex toy accidents. Cucumber dildo, deadly dildo. Oliver Dietmann, cucumber oral sex.

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Salesman Oliver Dietmann, who accidentally killed his lover while using a cucumber as a sex toy goes on trial for negligent homicide in Germany

Oliver Dietmann, 46, could be jailed for five years for the bedroom death of his lover Rica Varna, also 46.

The court in Mannheim where he is on trial had members of his victim’s family including her father and sister in the public gallery hearing the sordid details of the episode, which also featured a bunch of carrots and some courgettes.

He told the court he and his lover ‘often used vegetables’ as a substitute for sex toys.  

He said he had met Rica in 2004, their relationship turning sexual five years later. on July 19 2014 he invited her around to his place where the cucumber was used ‘to pleasure her.’

He admitted that they had drunk four bottles of wine between them and several glasses of schnapps. A post mortem later showed that she was nearly four times over the legal limit to drive a car.

He told the court how after the cucumber had served its purpose ‘I put it it in her mouth. But suddenly I saw there was smoke coming from the kitchen. I forgot that I had put a piece of meat on the stove for my dog.

‘I ran to the kitchen, fed my dog and then went on to the balcony to smoke a cigarette.’ He said when he returned to the bedroom, Rica was unconscious.

Read more: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3461885/Salesman-accidentally-killed-lover-using-cucumber-sex-toy-goes-trial-negligent-homicide-Germany.html#ixzz41x2qVik9
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook


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If GUYS Woke Up PREGNANT ft. MrNotThatFamous @TheRealSinc

Guys wake up pregnant and give reaction interview. Pregnant males, sketch comedy skit interview about what guys would be like if they woke up pregnant – MrNotThatFamous & MrHairyBrit – Male pregnancy with pregnant belly comedy skit.

What would you do if you woke up pregnant?
Or watch the “Woke Up Female” video here –

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Woman left sex doll and dildo covered in dog poo in someone’s porch as a ‘prank’

Sex doll dildo prank? Sex prank love doll with dildo covered in dog poo left on doorstep as a hilarious practical joke prank. Non Sam Pepper.

Woman left sex doll and dildo covered in dog poo in someone’s porch as a ‘prank’

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As if Chrys Wimmer, 56, hadn’t already crossed the line from humour into a darker area altogether she then allegedly pulled a gun on two men who tried to stop her 

Is this the most disgusting ‘prank’ ever pulled?

Chrys Wimmer, 56, said she deposited a blow-up sex doll and a dildo covered in dog poo on a doorstep as a joke.

As if she hadn’t already crossed the line from humour into a darker area altogether she then allegedly pulled a gun on two men who tried to stop her.

It is claimed she said: “Get the f*** out of my way.

“Are you going to move or am I going to move it for you?”

Police in Greenwood in Indiana, US, said they also found a pill bottle on her which contained cocaine. 

She was arrested for possession of cocaine, pointing a loaded weapon and possession of a handgun without a licence.

It is not clear what became of her revolting gift.

She is not the first person to have pushed a prank too far.

Last year Roman Atwood pretended to have dropped his son over a balcony.

Two parents also teamed up to reduce their young son to tears by convincing him he had the ebola virus.

In April this year teenager Lily Sharp joined this illustrious list of jokers when she convinced her mum she had been kidnapped as a jape. 

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WhatsApp, SnapChat and iMessage to be BANNED in the UK

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WhatsApp, Snapchat and iMessage could be banned under new laws

You should make full use of WhatsApp, Snapchat and iMessage because you may not have them for much longer.

The popular apps could be banned under new laws as they use encrypted messages.

The government sees this as a potential security concern and home secretary Theresa May hopes to ban the types of messages with the controversial ‘snooper’s charter’, aka the Draft Communications Data Bill.

What is the Snoopers’ Charter?

  1. It’s actually called the Communications Data Bill.
  2. Under the proposed law companies that provide internet services would have to document the online activity of customers.
  3. They would have to keep these logs for 12 months.
  4. The bill was blocked by the Liberal Democrats in 2013.
  5. It could be law by 2016.
  6. She is planning to bring forward a new version of the bill – blocked by the Liberal Democrats in the last administration – in the autumn.

And because the Conservatives now have a majority it is likely to go through, with the new law being put in place next year.

There is always hope, with WhatsApp, Snapchat and iMessage likely to stay if they meet the new restrictions.

But this means that the government will probably be able to see that rather unfortunate Snapchat you sent your ex if they want to.

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Germany Bans Erotic eBooks – No More eBook Porn?

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If you are in Germany, or will be visiting soon, make sure you don’t purchase erotic e-book before 10pm. It is illegal in the country.

According to Metro, the German government had passed a bill in 2002 to ban sales of erotic literature between 6am and 10pm. The bill has become law too and critics say it is fair enough as Germans are good at erotica.

The same law now has undergone expansion on the Internet too and it says selling of erotic electronic books during the mentioned time is illegal.

However, it is not known why such law has come across. Moreover, the country is also having problems in finding a how to implement the crazy law over the Internet as it does not adhere to any particular time zone.

Isn’t it the country that developed some of the greatest machines in the world now fails to understand how the World Wide Web works?

If you’re into erotic literature from Germany and decide to purchase it in the form of an e-book between 5am and 9pm, you are seriously breaking one of Germany’s laws.

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Why We Should Ration Baby Photos

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What is an Ariana Grande? || And Why Is It On Buzzfeed

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Ariana Grande…. now that’s a name i’ve been hearing a lot about recently but if I am totally honest ….. I am not totally sure what an Ariana Grande is even if it is on Buzzfeed and Fox News!

I mean if you was to walk into a Starbucks oe lunch break and picked up your sandwich and overly expensive crisps while listening to your latest copy of Dave Grohl cover versions of Justin Bieber songs with cameos from Katy Perry would I then order a hot steaming mug of Ariana Grande with a triple shot of coffee?

Is Ariana Grande a butt plug? Is Ariana Grande a Buzzfeed sports activity? Is Ariana Grande a thunder storm? Is Ariana Grande a kids toy? Is Ariana Grande a meme or craze like the Harlem Shake? or is Ariana Grande something I should hide from in a bomb shelter until is blows over like the Gangnam Style thing?

Supposedly an Ariana Grande isn’t very nice to pretty sexy ladies who we would love to see naked, in nudity ridden bondage videos starring Katy Perry… these kitty cats seem to give each other a dodgy tummy that only a toilet can’t solve with explosive bang bang digestive noises….

So maybe you can help me before Buzzfeed confuses me even more….

What is an Ariana Grande? and why should I care?
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Heatwave Redhead Charity Appeal #SaveARedHead

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Heatwave Red Head Charity Appeal #SaveARedHead
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UK Faces 2 Week Heatwave 35 Celsius 90 Fahrenheit

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Heatwave live: Britain swelters on hottest July day on record

Summary: Britain swelters on hottest July day since records began

Here’s what’s been happening so far today:

Heathrow has recorded temperatures of 36.7C, beating the previous record for the month of July from 2006.
It is hotter than Miami, LA, Rome and Barcelona, with Kingston-upon-Thames hotter than Kingston, Jamaica.
The United Nations has urged countries to create better warning systems as a heatwave sweeping western Europe saw temperatures reach 40C.
Speed restrictions have been imposed by Network Rail on some train lines amid fears the metal tracks could buckle.
Health warnings have been issued for elderly and vulnerable people, with relatives and friends urged to check on people they know
Asthma sufferers have been told to take extra precautions because of the potential for Saharan sand to be carried over into Britain’s atmosphere by the warm front.

Brandishing a bottle of factor 30 suncream from her handbag, Reay says she read the official warnings in her local newspaper but decided it was “especially for oldies” and ventured out anyway. “We took a lot of notice, didn’t we?! We’re staying here all afternoon.”

Along the promenade, Harinder Badatch, 45, and his wife Sukhjinder, 39, have been able to get a rare day off work to take their son, Samanpreet, 9, for an operation at the dentist. This is the only time they get to spend time together as a family, outside of family holidays. “You go to work, you come home and you haven’t got time to do anything with the kids,” Harinder says.

“There’s so much pressure on life in general. It’s such a stressful environment. It’s such a mundane ritual. Especially in Gravesend, the only time they have is to come to places like this. It’s nice, it’s close, it’s clean. Otherwise you’ve got to take out a whole weekend to go further.”

On Wednesday afternoon, the parade was half empty with only a couple of young families and retired couples taking in the heat by the Thames estuary. By this weekend, town officials hope it will be full to bursting as the town’s 169th annual regatta swings into life, boasting a summer carnival queen competition and a giant funfair.

“Sometimes it’s a great family atmosphere here but the last couple of times I’ve been here there’s been kids chasing each other with knives,” says Harinder. “They all stand up in the car park area. It’s a real shame really.”

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Naked Man Runs Into Kentucky Walmart, Claims To Be On Fire, Dumps Milk On Head

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Naked Man Runs Into Kentucky Walmart, Claims To Be On Fire, Dumps Milk On Head

Strange things have been known to happen in Walmart stores, but the incident that took place in a store in Kentucky may have beaten them all. A naked man ran into a Walmart in Pike County, Kentucky, claimed to be on fire, and then proceeded to dump milk over his head.

According to WKYT, the people at a South Williamson Walmart got some strange sights while grocery shopping earlier this week. Two men are facing charges after a video appeared on YouTube that showed a man running into Walmart wearing nothing more than shoes and a Halloween mask.

After running into Walmart, the man screamed out that he was on fire. He then went over to the freezer section, grabbed a couple gallons of milk, and went about dumping the milk over his head in the aisle.

The video was quickly removed from YouTube due to the fact that it showed nudity, but WKYT got a copy of it, censored it, and posted it for all to see.

Arrest warrants have since been issued for David Daniels of Belfry, Kentucky, and Timothy Smith of Phelps, Kentucky. The video that was posted of their time in Walmart has them facing charges.

Pike County Sheriff Rodney Scott was rather stunned by the whole thing and honestly didn’t really know what to say about it.

“Well the first question I would have is why? Why would anyone want to do that? They can go to jail and they will go to jail.”

It appears as if the video was made and then posted to YouTube in hopes of making people laugh and possibly going viral. The nudity, though, made certain that it would be taken down by the website almost immediately.

Sheriff Scott said that those in the video committed a serious crime and they need to be charged for the indecent exposure shown at the Kentucky Walmart.

“If we don’t then it could be happening all the time. So that’s why it’s important to go ahead and make the arrests.”

At the end of the video, the Halloween-masked streaker heads outside of Walmart and gets into a car. They speed away from the scene, and the video ends. For now, there have been no arrests made, but police have learned the names of the streaker and videographer and are actively searching for them.

For those that shop at Kentucky Walmart stores, the police hope that there won’t be any other naked men running in, claiming to be on fire, and pouring milk over their heads. They honestly hope no streakers go into any stores at all and do anything.

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First World Problems Game #FWP

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10 Weird Laws We’ve All Broken

★ SUBSCRIBE for FREE CLICK HERE – goo.gl/MJe2Tj ★ Mon, Wed & Fri – Funny Weird News, Movie & Personal Vlogs (Topical Rants, Survival Guides, Life Hacks & Sexy Cosplay Galleries) LIKE THE SHOW? BE NICE, DONATE!! – bit.ly/18yNmAu 10 odd British laws you have probably broken by accident Several studies have suggested that most of us break the law every day in Britain – or at least a few times every week. But most of the time, we commit these crimes knowingly – from letting a dog poo in the park, to talking on the phone while driving, to murdering someone while out of your mind on crack cocaine. But there are quite a few laws which may well have passed you by. Have you ever handled a salmon ‘suspiciously’, for instance? We’ve rounded up some of the crimes which you might be committing ALL THE TIME, without even knowing. 1) You’re not allowed to be drunk in a pub Under the Metropolitan Police Act 1839, it is illegal for the ‘keeper of a public house to permit drunkenness on premises’ 2) It’s illegal to sing Happy Birthday in a restaurant The song is a copyrighted work, so performing it in public is technically a violation of copyright. 3) You’re not allowed to slide on ice or snow In London, anyway, under the Metropolitan Police Act 1839 4) You can’t beep a car horn to tell someone off Sounding your horn in anger is illegal and could see you fined. 5) It is illegal to carry a plank along a pavement Carrying building materials in London was outlawed under the Metropolitan Police Act 1839. 6) You must clear your whole windscreen of ice before driving The law states windows must be clear – and you can be fined up to £1,000. 7) You cannot handle a salmon in ‘suspicious circumstances’ Under the Salmon Act of 1986. 8) If you break down beside the motorway, you have to leave your dog in the car Bad luck, Rover. 9) You can’t scribble on banknotes Not even if you’re a magician. 10) Flying a kite in a public place? Uh-uh Another one banned under the Metropolitan Police Act 1839. ★ SOCIAL MEDIA ★ Facebook – goo.gl/IHn5A9 Twitch Stream – www.twitch.tv/MrHairyBrit Tsu & Invite – www.tsu.co/MrHairyBrit Twitter – goo.gl/CuZp9s Instagram – goo.gl/Bbj3Vt Tumblr – goo.gl/7yhWg4 Website – www.MrHairyBrit.com ★ PLAYLISTS ★ Latest Video – goo.gl/7yIEVj All Videos From Day 1 – goo.gl/FYXsaK Funny News – goo.gl/D0Y1nz Friday Vlogs – goo.gl/wp0sFS Q&A and Tag Vlogs – goo.gl/EoUQyZ Sexy Lady & Cosplay – goo.gl/VIlyro ► THANKS FOR WATCHING PLEASE REMEMBER TO LIKE, COMMENT, SHARE AND SUBSCRIBE – goo.gl/MJe2Tj◄