Tag: sex accidents

Masturbation Kills 100 Germans Every Year

Masturbation Kills 100 Germans Every Year // Oxygen deprivation, Breathe control, sex accidents, risky masturbation practices, and autoerotic asphyxiation to blame for a rise in weird statistics for sexually linked deaths every year in Germany.

As many as 100 people are dying every year in Germany from ‘risky masturbation practices’, a new study has shown.

Oxygen deprivation is the most common cause of death in people who are searching for the ‘ultimate orgasm’, according to forensic examiner, Dr Harald Voss.

The body of a man was reportedly found in Hamburg covered in sliced cheese with pantyhose pulled up over his upper body while he was wearing a diving suit and a raincoat.

He has placed a plastic bag over his head was sat in front of a heater that was switched on, reports The Local.

Another man was found just before the new year who had died from auto-asphyxiation when he was wrapped in chains in a room where ‘pornographic images were present’.

Women are also known to die from autoerotic asphyxiation, but it is less likely as it’s claimed that they are ‘more cautious’.

However, although the official numbers reported are much lower, Dr Voss predicts that the number of unreported cases are ‘extremely high’ as the relatives of the victims may feel ashamed about what has happened.

In one example, a man was discovered by his mother with Christmas tree lights clamped to his nipples, but she removed them before emergency services arrived.

They were initially confused why he had burn marks on his body but his mother came clean and admitted what she had originally found. It was concluded that the cause of death was electrocution.

The Institute of Legal Medicine has investigated 40 accidental autoerotic fatalities in northern Germany between 1983 and 2003 with all the victims being males between the ages of 13 and 79.

Dr Voss warns that evidence that could point towards the scene of an autoerotic death include: exposed genitals, restraints that could have been self administered, mirrors placed near the body, plastic bags around the head, porn, and the lack of a suicide note.

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8 HORRIFYING SEX ACCIDENTS That Will Make You Laugh (ep.01)

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Erotic accidents and horrifying sex accidents that will make you wince in horror. Funny porn sex accidents, erotic sex fails. Sex accidents like anal potatoes, penis bitten off, snapped penis, kama sutra sex mistakes, electric sex vibrator sex toys and spicy oral sex. Sex fails, porn sex accidents.

1. The concrete rectum

One experimental couple decided to mix things up in the bedroom in the most bizarre way imaginable when one of the chaps poured wet cement into the anus of his partner.

Surprisingly this didn’t end well and the lad was rushed to hospital when the substance started to set, causing him extreme amounts of pain.

Silver lining – the couple now have a lifelike cast of one of their rectums to remember the romantic occasion.

2. The electric saw vibrator

Where do people get their kinky ideas from? When a normal dildo isn’t enough, why not just attach your sex toy to an electric saw?

Oh, because it will cut your nether regions quite badly when put to use. D’uh. Police in the US brought no charges against this weird couple as no crime had been committed. Unless utter stupidity is a crime?

3. The bitten off penis

This story from Singapore will have every man sweating to within an inch of his life. A randy chap was being pleasured by his secret girlfriend in a parked car. A van reversed and accidentally bumped the car, giving the woman such a fright that her jaw snapped shut like a bear trap.

As the horrified man lost his pride and joy, he probably lost his marriage too. His wife had hired a private investigator who caught the whole thing on film. One of those days, eh?

4. The couple left sealed together

The Kama Sutra has brought many couples plenty of thrills but one married pair from Russia saw the dark side of this book.

They were enjoying the deck chair position which involved the woman being held almost like a wheelbarrow, when a leg spasm caused suction to go all wrong. The couple were sealed together and had to be loaded into the ambulance still in the position. That would have been entertaining for everyone in the A and E waiting room.

5. Curry night blisters

A woman in the US was admitted to hospital with serious bursting boils all over her vagina after her thoughtless hubby decided to perform an act of love after going out for a curry.

Hot stuff indeed – but probably a little too hot for this poor lady.

6. The penile fracture caused by mum

Ouch! Are these the worst ever sex injuries?

Solo sex can be a hazard too, so all of you singletons needn’t be breathing a sigh of relief quite yet. A man in his 60s was enthusiastically going at it in his bedroom when his mum unexpectedly came in. Diving for the door to slam her out before she was subjected to a ghastly sight, the man stumbled.

And the loud snap that followed is something from every man’s nightmares. Boners may not have actual bones but they can still break.

7. The inhaled condom

Runny noses and fevers are pretty standard symptoms so a lady from India didn’t pay much heed to her constant state of being under the weather until it had been happening for over a year. Visiting the doctor at last, she was informed that she had a condom in her lung.

Turns out she had accidentally inhaled it, somehow without noticing, while giving her boyfriend a treat.

8. The priest and the potato

The truth of this story may never be known but a man of the cloth in the UK shamefully visited the hospital to tell them that he had a potato lodged inside his backside.

Timidly explaining that he had been putting up curtains when he fell backwards onto the kitchen table where said spud was sitting, he was treated without question.

But we’re fairly sure there would have been a few doubts in the nurse’s mind that day.

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50 Shades Of Grey Injury Explosion!

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Ouch! Sex toy related injuries have surged since the release of Fifty Shades of Grey – 50 Shades Of Grey Injury Explosion!

he NHS and London Fire Brigade are bracing themselves for a slew of sex related injuries. Because Fifty Shades of Grey hits our cinemas – and our bedrooms – this weekend.

The London Fire Brigade (LFB) said today it was ‘concerned’ the film’s release could lead to a ‘spike’ in people being stuck or trapped in handcuffs or bindings.

Since April, it has attended 393 such incidents.

Meanwhile, sex toy injuries have doubled overall since 2007. And, according to recent figures, they saw a spike in 2012 and 2013 following the release of the Fifty Shades mummy porn trilogy.

These concerning stats, reported by the Washington Post, come courtesy of the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System, which has tracked casualty admissions since 1991.

Injuries relating to ‘massage devices and vibrators’ rocketed in 2012, when 2,500 people checked in at the ER. The first Fifty Shades of Grey book was released in 2011. There is no proof the two are linked, but, well, it’s safe to assume they could be.

Thankfully, most injuries incurred were not too severe.

71 per cent of patients were treated and released, with only 25 per cent requiring hospitalization. And the good news was that none of the cases required assistance from the fire department, and zero deaths were recorded.

Phew.

However, with reports that sex shops on both sides of the Atlantic are already stocking up on their sex toys ahead of the film’s release this weekend – while B&Q is warning staff to expect a run on DIY S&M items – there could be trouble ahead for an already stretched NHS.

Stay safe out there folks.

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