Tag: cunt

Gwyneth Paltrow Steams Her Vagina – Beauty Gossip?

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Gwyneth Paltrow Steams Her Vagina || V-Steam Vagina Health Treatment – Gwyneth steaming her vagina is the best thing she’s done in years

“Hey, did you see what Gwyneth Paltrow said about vaginas?” a friend emailed the other day. Now, I tend to get a lot of email about Gwyneth Paltrow, mostly thanks to an open letter I wrote a year ago that has people convinced I need to be informed of her every move. Most of the time, my reaction is a resounding “Meh.”

But this? This, I had to see.

And I was not disappointed when I clicked the link he had sent me.

In fact, I was the opposite of disappointed. In a month of depressing news, bleak, serious events and nonstarter blizzards, Paltrow’s recent endorsement of the Mugwort V-Steam is a small bright spot of pure, genius comedy.

What’s that, you say? A Mugwort V-Steam?

It’s a Harry Potter-sounding spa treatment that is, in her own words, “a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release — not just a steam douche — that balances female hormone levels.”
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Gwyneth Paltrow turned heads yet again when she showed up to the Los Angeles premiere of “Mortdecai” in a leg-bomb-baring frock.Photo: Splash News

I’m going to give you a minute to read that again: Mini-throne, uterus, steam douche. (Not included: the actual word vagina. But this is what we are talking about here.)

“If you’re in LA,” she adds, “you have to do it.”

I don’t live in LA, so I won’t be partaking of this amazing, terrifying-sounding treatment. Also, from what I’ve read, the health benefits of this are dubious at best.

“Does Paltrow think her fallopian tubes are getting tidied up in the process, too? It does not,” wrote exasperated pediatrician Russell Saunders in a Daily Beast column.

“The female reproductive tract does not need to be cleaned at all. In fact, methods of feminine cleansing like douching can do more harm than good. Women should no more steam their vaginas than flush them with Lysol.”

Granted, the V-Steam is not something Paltrow made up out of thin, steam-filled air — it’s actually a centuries-old practice in Korea called chai-yok, and its practitioners believe it can reduce stress, regulate menstrual cycles and get rid of hemorrhoids.

Still, I’m going to side with the person who actually went to medical school.

But science aside, I am starting to really enjoy Gwynnie. She’s gotten so eccentric, unaware and zanily over-the-top, that she is now on the level of Joaquin Phoenix-style performance art, with an added level of hilarious 2015 Marie Antoinette “Let them eat kale” thrown in for good measure.

She shows up in nude jumpsuits on “The Tonight Show,” performs Broadway-style raps of “Anaconda” and doles out nutty health advice.

She’s gotten people revved up enough times to know the drill: If you want people to stop, you just have to stop making grand pronouncements. Normal celebrities would have retired into a cave for a year and joined five charities in the hopes of getting better publicity, eschewing all interviews save for a quick Q&A to promote their newest movie or their latest line at Target or their most recent episode of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.”

Not Gwyneth. She’s like, “Yeah, I know you all think I’m nuts — and no, I’m not going to shut up. I’m gonna keep talking. Next up: Steam your vagina.”

If being honest and open about who you are is a hallmark of happiness, well, then, Gwyneth Paltrow is probably one of the happiest people on the planet. She just does not care — and I like that.

She is weird enough to be one of my friends, any of our friends, really — a quirky, lively, truly bizarre mind in the body of the Prettiest Girl from High School. So with that, I say bravo, Gwyneth. Carry on with your steamed lady parts.

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The Vajankle || Fleshlight Vagina In An Ankle Foot Fetish Cure

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NSFW: Calling all foot fetishists – the vajankle is the sex toy for you

The vajankle – as its name suggests – is the unholy union of a vagina and an ankle… and it’s as disturbing as it sounds.

Unless you have a serious foot fetish that is, in which case, we’d imagine, it’s serious good times.

Sin boutique – the website selling them – explains: ‘These quirky feet have a vagina built right in at the ankle!’

They go on: ‘The vajankle is in the left foot only. You can order the vajankle independently, or as a pair with the standard right foot.’

This level of sexy silicone foot times doesn’t come cheap. In fact, the vajankle costs a toe-curling $179 (approximately £118).

Still, it’s a small price to pay for your very own shaggable foot, eh?

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Woman Hides Gun In Vagina

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A woman recently managed to sneak a gun past no less than four prison guards with an unusual (and highly dangerous) technique.

Josephine McAllister, 34, allegedly smuggled the handgun into the metropolitan detention centre in Albuquerque by hiding it in her vagina.

Ms McAillister had told confused officers that she had the gun concealed in her waistband during her arrest for possession of stolen credit cards and resisting arrest in December, but didn’t tell the police for fear of bringing more charges on herself.

She also claimed she managed to keep hiding the gun in her waistband the entire time she was being processed by prison officers, despite being searched many times.

Prison staff were alerted to the incident after another inmate found the gun in a bin, leading them to believe it was concealed in her genitals.

Officer Simon Drobik said: ‘We can only be so thorough, and that area is out of the question. We cannot search a body cavity.’

Let’s just hope she had the safety on.

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Words You Should Never Use On The Internet

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Words You Should Never Use On The Internet

It was my Birthday last week so very kindly my friend’s TookItHomeToJenny and the MoveClubStrikesBack Team made me a little bible of swear words to learn and use as I am such an innocent soul.

Jenny – www.youtube.com/tookithometojenny
MCSB MovieClubStrikesBack – www.youtube.com/MovieClubStrikesBack

Original Video – Pretty Ladies Send Me Spunk and Teach Me Swear Words –

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Lady Sweets From Denmark | International Spunk #FoodPorn

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Original Video – Pretty Ladies Send Me Spunk and Teach Me Swear Words –

It was my Birthday last week so very kindly MetteMedicine sent me a lovely letter and a loads of sweeties that I just had to read and nibble on camera.

Mette – www.youtube.com/MetteMedicine

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Pretty Ladies Send Me Spunk and Teach Me Swear Words

Pretty Ladies Send Me Spunk & Teach Me Swear Words

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It was my Birthday last week so very kindly my friends TookItHomeToJenny, MetteMedicine and MovieClubStrikesBack send me a few gift and I just had to make a video…. or 3.

MetteMedicine sent me a lovely letter and a loads of sweeties that I just had to read and nibble on camera.

While TookItHomeToJenny and the MoveClubStrikesBack Team made me a little bible of swear words to learn and use as I am such an innocent soul.

Jenny – www.youtube.com/tookithometojenny
Mette – www.youtube.com/MetteMedicine
MCSB MovieClubStrikesBack – www.youtube.com/MovieClubStrikesBack

No no no! If you have clicked on this video expecting Girl On Girl, Double End Lesbian Action, Money Shots or SPUNK then you are only semi right! Shame on you…. this is not hardcore xxx animal porn and I am shocked you would even think that hehe

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Man Gets Stuck In Giant Vagina

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Student gets stuck in giant stone vagina

What was meant to be a funny dare turned into an utter embarrassment for an American exchange student, who found himself trapped in a giant stone vagina in Germany.

Firefighters had to be called in to deliver the man, head-first, to safety after his foot became trapped in the large marble sculpture at Tubingen University in Germany.

The unnamed man is believed to have been dared to climb inside the sculpture, which sits outside the university’s institute for microbiology and virology.

But his legs soon became wedged in the carving and, despite labouring to free himself, the experts had to be summoned.

A local newspaper, Schwäbisches Tagblatt, reported that the emergency services received a call at 1.45pm on Friday to say a young man was “stuck in a stone vulva”.

A total of 22 firefighters, five fire engines and a number of paramedics were sent to the scene, and quickly freed the man “by hand without use of equipment”, the newspaper reported.

Erick Guzman took photographs of the incident and posted them on Imgur, saying: ‘I was there!!! He just wanted to take a funny picture.

“The fire department was not really amused, and he was really embarrassed.”

The sculpture, by Peruvian artist Fernando de la Jara, has sat outside the university for 13 years and was not damaged.

The man was not harmed, although his reputation has been.

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5 Things That Make Me Angry | Sean Klitzner is a Cunt #YoureADouche

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There are many things that piss me off with the world so I thought I would boil them down to 5 things. Loud car stereos, attention seekers (Sean Klitzner), self centred people (Sean Klitzner), religious knutcases like Westboro Bapist Church and “Bible Bashers” and Sean Klitzner (Sean Klitzner) who I think is a CUNT (semi joking) #YoureADouche (Sean Klitzner) hehe

Much love to Sean Klitzner – www.youtube.com/user/SeanKlitzner

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I am “MetalEddy” from Philip Defranco (sxephil) Movie Club 🙂

Why I hate #Summer and #BigBrother with their stupid #cuntwaffles

THUMBS UP OF YOU AGREE! THUMBS DOWN IF YOU LOVE SUMMER!

Ive had enough. I hate summer. Too hot, too many flies, stupid hay fever, stupid chavs. Im bored of the reality tv shows, the X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent, I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here and most importantly I hate Big Brother.

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