MrHairyBrit

UK YouTuber, Fluffy Video Maker, Cake Eater, MuscleFood Lover, Sarcastic Vlogger, Social Media Addict, Yorkshire Squatter, ICG Member, Nerfighter, Wrestling Fan, English YouTube Creator, Window Licker, Friend Maker, YouTube Rant Talker, and Netflix Binger!

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Giraffe Sex and X Rated Panda Porn | Animal Sex Facts

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Honey Bee: Exploding Testicles.

A virgin queen that survives to adulthood without being killed by her rivals will take a mating flight with a dozen or so male drones (out of tens of thousands eligible bachelors in the colony). But don’t call these drones lucky because during mating, their genitals explode and snap off inside the queen!

Bonobos

Bonobos use sex as greetings, a mean of solving disputes, making up for fights, and as a favors in exchange for food. They tongue kiss, engage in oral sex, mutual masturbations, have face-to-face genital sex and even have a strange “penis fencing” ritual!

Red-Sided Garter Snake: An Annual Mating Ball Orgy

he annual mating of red-sided garter snakes is a tourist attraction in Manitoba, Canada. That’s because when a female garter snake emerges from hibernation, she releases a pheromone that attracts hundreds of male snakes in the vicinity to rush her and create a large squirming “mating ball.”

Hyena: The Females Got Balls!

Female hyenas wear the pants in the family. They’re bigger and stronger than the males. And definitely much more aggressive. Heck, they even got balls. Really.

A female hyena has a pseudopenis, basically an enlarged clitoris, that they can erect at will. To mate, the meeker male has to insert his penis into her pseudopenis. That’s difficult for the males, but still nothing compared to the female having to give birth through a penis!

Giraffe Love Sex with… everything!

With that ridiculously long neck of theirs, mating is hard work for male giraffes. So, when a male happens upon a female giraffe, he will perform a procedure known as the “fleshmen sequence” to see if she is in estrus. First, he nudges her rump to induce urination. He then takes a mouthful of urine. If it tastes good to him, then he begins to court her.

Actually, “court” may be too strong a word: the male giraffe basically follows her around until she gives in and lets him have her!

Dolphin Penis: That’s Not His Hand.

Here’s something you probably don’t know about Flipper: he has retractable penis. Male dolphins also have a very strong sex drive. It can mate many, many times in a day. Now here’s the bad news: male dolphins aren’t that much of a stud. The average time to ejaculation? 12 seconds.

Percula Clownfish: Your Mommy Was Your Daddy.

Clownfish live in a group consisting of a breeding pair of male and female, as well as some non-breeding males. There is strict hierarchy based on size: the largest is the female, next largest is the male, and then the non-breeding males.

Giant Panda: X-Rated Panda Porn!

For a while, zookeepers had trouble getting pandas raised in captivity to breed. In fact, male and female pandas showed little interest in sex – that is until someone at the Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding and Research Base in Sichuan Province, China, had the bright idea of showing them panda porn!

Now, when pandas reach adulthood, zookeepers there show them steamy videos of panda sex as part of their initiation rites.

Galapagos Giant Tortoise: The Longest Neck Wins.

To determine who gets to mate, male Galapagos giant tortoises will rise on their legs and stretch their necks. The shorter tortoise will cry uncle and leave the taller, larger tortoise to mate.

Garden Snail: Love Darts

Snails’ genitals are on their necks, right behind their eye-stalks. Not weird enough? Read on.

Snails are hermaphrodites, meaning they have both male and female sexual organs, but they do not self-fertilize.

Bedbug: Traumatic Insemination

Here’s chivalry for you: the male bedbugs don’t even bother with the female’s sex organs. Instead, a male bedbug uses its scimitar-like sexual organ to impale the female bedbug’s body and deposit his sperm!

Scientists even have a cute name for this sort of thing: “traumatic insemination.” Ouch!

Porcupine: Wee Marks the Spot.

First of all, female porcupines are interested in sex only about 8 to 12 hours in a year!  Second, to court a female during the short mating season, a male porcupine stands up on his hind legs, waddles up to her, and then sprays her with a huge stream of urine from as far as 6 feet away, and drench his would-be paramour from head to foot!

If she is ready, then she’ll rear up to expose her quill-less underbelly and let the male mount her from the behind (that’s the only safe position for porcupines!). Once mating begins, the female is insatiable: she forces the male to mate many times until he is thoroughly exhausted. If he gets tired too quickly, she will leave him for another male!

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Bouncy Castle Of Boobies #lol #funnynews #Blog

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Boob bouncy castle might be the best bouncy castle the world has ever seen

Boobs, breasts, knockers, funbags… call ’em what you will, there’s no denying a large proportion of the world think breasts are great.

And clearly that includes zany British inventor duo Bompas & Parr, who have just created what might be the best bouncy castle the world has ever seen.

As part of a new installation at New York City’s Museum Of Sex the two have erected an enormous bouncy castle made of giant breasts.

Big ones, small ones, pert ones and slightly deflated ones — as in nature, so here too they are available in all sizes, shapes and colours.

Called Jump For Joy, the bouncy castle (they call it a moonbounce in the US, cute) is part of the Funland: Pleasures & Perils of the Erotic Fairground exhibition that also includes Grope Mountain, a wall of orifices and appendages you can actually climb, and a ‘climactic’, mirrored, labyrinthine Tunnel Of Love that leads you to the G-spot while classical music reaches a crescendo in the background.

Okaaaay.

Goes without saying this is not one to take the kids to next bank hols.

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Obama Urinal Cake | Americans Pee On Barack Obama’s Face?

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You can now pee on Barack Obama’s face (and the White House isn’t very happy about it)

The White House has slammed photos of a Barack Obama urinal cake.

Those attending a Faith and Freedom Coalition Conference in Washington could pee on the American president’s face.

Igor Bobic, associate editor for The Huffington Post, tweeted a photo of the offending urinal.

Dan Pfeiffer, senior adviser at the White House, responded to the pictures on Twitter, branding them ‘totally uncalled for’ and commenting on the size of Obama’s ears.

It’s unclear who was responsible for putting the figurines in the urinals.

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I’ve Won The Lottery! Help Me Spend It?

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I’ve Won The Lottery! Help Me Spend It?

When I woke up this morning, feeling dead without my bacon or coffee, I opened my emails to see I HAVE WON THE LOTTERY.

It got me thinking what would I spend my lottery winner winnings on? I mean how did even win with Nigerian National Lottery without buying a lottery ticket or picking my lottery numbers… I mean how do you pick lottery numbers?

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How To Feed Your Pet While Hungover Or On Holiday

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How To Feed Your Pet While Hungover Or On Holiday

An entrepreneur has found a solution to the problem of making sure your pet is fed while you’re away.

The PetPal, designed by California engineer Ken Powers, is an automatic food dispenser allows owners to provide meals for their animals via an app or programme it manually to dispense food at certain times of the day.

It also allows you to take videos and pictures of your animals and talk to them via a built-in microphone and speaker.

Powers had the idea when he struggled to find someone who could come to his house and feed his cats when he was on holiday.

‘I wanted to be able to interact with the cats while I was on vacation,’ he said.

The automatic feeder can feed animals up to five times a day manually, or can be remotely accessed via the app.

‘The PetPal feeder easily connets to your Wi-Fi network, and you connect to your PetPal via an Android or iOS app,’ he explained.

The feeder is not yet available for purchase.

A recent campaign on crowd-sourcing site Kickstarter failed to secure the necessary funding, but Powers is hopeful of raising enough cash to put the invention into manufacture.

Power estimates that it will cost $365 (£217) but will eventually go down to $299 (£178).

PetPal: Feed your pet via Wi-Fi while you’re on holiday (or in bed)

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie Review ‪#‎TMNT #‎HairyMovieClub‬

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Full Movie Review #HairyMovieClub

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Full Movie Review #HairyMovieClub is a 1990 American live-action film, and the first film adaptation of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise. It was directed by Steve Barron and released on March 30, 1990. This film presents the origin story of Splinter and the Turtles, the initial meeting between them, April O’Neil and Casey Jones, and their first confrontation with The Shredder and his Foot Clan.

When the New York City Police Department is unable to stop a severe crime wave caused by the Foot Clan, four vigilantes — Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Donatello and Raphael — come forth to save the city. Under the leadership of Splinter and together with their new-found allies April O’Neil and Casey Jones, they fight back and take the battle to The Shredder. The film kept very close to the dark feel of the original comics, and is a direct adaptation of the comicbook storyline involving the defeat of Shredder, with several elements also taken from the 1987 TV series that was airing at the time, such as April being a news reporter, and the turtles having different-colored masks, as opposed to the uniform red masks of the comic.Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Full Movie Review #HairyMovieClub

The film was followed by three sequels: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze in 1991, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III in 1993, and TMNT in 2007. Upon its release the film became the second highest-grossing independent film of all time, and became the ninth highest grossing film worldwide of 1990 and the most successful film in the franchise.

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Man Gets Stuck In Giant Vagina

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Student gets stuck in giant stone vagina

What was meant to be a funny dare turned into an utter embarrassment for an American exchange student, who found himself trapped in a giant stone vagina in Germany.

Firefighters had to be called in to deliver the man, head-first, to safety after his foot became trapped in the large marble sculpture at Tubingen University in Germany.

The unnamed man is believed to have been dared to climb inside the sculpture, which sits outside the university’s institute for microbiology and virology.

But his legs soon became wedged in the carving and, despite labouring to free himself, the experts had to be summoned.

A local newspaper, Schwäbisches Tagblatt, reported that the emergency services received a call at 1.45pm on Friday to say a young man was “stuck in a stone vulva”.

A total of 22 firefighters, five fire engines and a number of paramedics were sent to the scene, and quickly freed the man “by hand without use of equipment”, the newspaper reported.

Erick Guzman took photographs of the incident and posted them on Imgur, saying: ‘I was there!!! He just wanted to take a funny picture.

“The fire department was not really amused, and he was really embarrassed.”

The sculpture, by Peruvian artist Fernando de la Jara, has sat outside the university for 13 years and was not damaged.

The man was not harmed, although his reputation has been.

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A Very Hairy Happy YouTube Birthday Message | 1 Year On YouTube

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This time last year a very nervous and hairy man decided to pick up a compact camera an make an introduction video and post it to YouTube. This very shaky and tinny video that still remains online to this day was the start of a very addictive hobby that has helped me in many ways.

I would like to thank everyone who has reached out to comment on my videos, share my videos, like/hate my videos and have been able to watch these videos even when they was cringe worthy. I would also like to thank everyone who has added me on Facebook, twitter, WordPress, YTTalk and all the other social networks I like to ply my trade.

In the last 365 days I have made some wonderful friends and subscribers who have helped me in more way than they may realise. Making my YouTube videos in the last year have been a way for me to grow as a human being, to release my frustrations and to learn to be myself even when I feel blue.

In the last 12 months I have been blessed with such wonderful comments and assistance from so many people even when I’m boring you with what food I am cooking or what hideously cheesy film I want you to watch.

Once again THANK YOU. THANK YOU if you’ve taken part in the #HairyMovieClub. THANK YOU if you’ve sent me messages on videos, Facebook or twitter, and THANK YOU for watching my videos even if you are brand new to my madness and you’ve only just started to laugh at my hairy face.

I will continue to share the insanity that is in my head for as long as you wish me to.

Love You All, From Alan aka “MrHairyBrit”

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Cow Gets Stuck On Roof in Switzerland

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Apparently tired of spending her days grazing the same grassy field, this cow decided to go in search of some pastures new.

But the bold bovine may have regretted her little adventure after becoming stuck on a roof in the ‘gateway to the Swiss Alps’.

Stunned cyclist Rolf Steiner spotted the adventurous animal chilling out on the slippery slate roof of a farmhouse near the capital Bern.

‘I couldn’t believe my eyes and had to look three times to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. A cow on the roof,’ he said.

The cow eventually managed to find her way back down to her field, breaking a few tiles in the process.

‘She always was one of my most cantankerous beasts, always wanting to do it her way, not mine,’ explained farm owner Dieter Mueller.

‘She would have stayed up there for eternity if she had wanted to. I tried to coax her off when I first saw her but she wouldn’t budge.

‘She had to do things in her own sweet time. And I am left with the bill for replacing the tiles she smashed.’

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Wimbledon Full Movie Review #HairyMovieClub

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NEST WEEK IS ……….. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

Wimbledon is a 2004 romantic comedy film directed by Richard Loncraine. The film centers on a washed-up tennis pro named Peter Colt (played by Paul Bettany) and an up-and-coming tennis star named Lizzie Bradbury (played by Kirsten Dunst) during the Wimbledon Championships.

Peter Colt (Paul Bettany), an English professional tennis player in his thirties whose ranking has slipped from 11th to 119th in the world, considers that he never really had to fight for anything as his wealthy, but not close, family easily put him through studies and allowed him to pursue his tennis ambitions. He bravely exchanges jokes with his German sparring partner Dieter Prohl (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), who is in a similar position. Though he earns a wildcard spot to the Wimbledon tournament, he internally feels that it’s time to admit he’s getting too old to compete with fitter coming men (or boys) and intends, after this last Wimbledon, to take a job with the prestigious tennis club instead.

However, as Wimbledon begins, by accident, he bumps into Lizzie Bradbury (Kirsten Dunst), the American rising star of female tennis, falls in love with her and finds her interest in him changes his entire perception, even gives him the strength to win again. As their love grows, Peter’s game becomes better and better, but her game starts worsening as she spends too much time with Peter, ignoring her practice and tiredness. However, her overprotective father-manager Dennis Bradbury (Sam Neill) proves determined to nip their relationship in the bud, believing it detrimental to her career. One day, Dennis comes to Peter’s old flat and yells at him for spoiling his daughter’s game. She overhears this and decides to leave him and focus on her game.

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Crazy Hello Kitty Lady Spends £50,000 on Merchandise | Not Avril Lavigne

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Crazy Hello Kitty Lady Spends £50,000 on Merchandise | Not Avril Lavigne!

No one (and we mean no one) loves Hello Kitty more than Natasha Goldsworth

Oh we do love an obsessive collector, and Natasha Goldsworth is certainly that.

The 29-year-old, from Exeter, Devon, has accumulated a staggering 10,000 pieces of Hello Kitty merchandise over the past 15 years.

She told The Sun that her collection started when she was given a red Hello Kitty notebook at that age of 15: ‘from that moment on I just thought, I love that cat, I have to have more of that cat.’

And that’s exactly what she did.

Her comprehensive collection now covers everything from jewellery and furniture, to clothing, kitchenware, and of course cuddly toys.

4,000 cuddly toys to be precise.

And in a front runner for the title of ‘Understatement of the Year’, Natasha told The Sun: ‘I have quite a lot now.’

Now obviously a collection like this doesn’t come cheap, and Natasha estimates she’s spent an astonishing £50,000 so far.

But don’t go thinking that any piece of Hello Kitty merch will do. No, you may be surprised to hear (we certainly were) that there are some Hello Kitty pieces not to Natasha’s taste: ‘There are certain Hello Kitty things I’m not so keen on, like the gothic or the punk style.’

We hear ya sister.

As you can imagine, such a vast collection of cartoon-cat covered merchandise isn’t a massive turn-on for the opposite sex, and Natasha admitted: ‘Some men can’t cope with it at all. They feel very uncomfortable. They don’t know where to sit or where to look.’

In fact, her collection has been the downfall of more than one relationship, but Natasha remains defiant: ‘If a man doesn’t like my kitty kingdom then I’m not interested.’

We think we may have just found our new favourite motto.

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30 Half Naked And Hairy Questions #AskAlan4

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From time to time I invite you to submit questions for a Q&A session and this is the rather mixed bag of questions from the Hairy Family 🙂

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Automated Blowjob Machine Crowdfunded | Indiegogo AutoBlow2

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Crowdfunded oral sex machine is now available for pre-order

The only thing stranger than products on crowdfunding sites is the fact they sometimes reach their investment targets.

Take the Autoblow 2 for example, an innovative sex toy that uses a motor to give the more discerning gentleman hands free stimulation.

This means he can now punctuate World of Warcraft sessions, 4Chan and crushing loneliness with a ‘surprisingly good’ substitute for oral sex.

The fellatio-bot got a lot of press about a month ago, after it was posted on crowdfunding site Indiegogo by a company known as Letsgasm!

In the time since it has not only reached its investment target of $45,000, but has received another $235,247 on top of that.

Unlike the more traditional Fleshlight, the Autoblow 2 works electronically. The user inserts himself into the contraption, plugs it in, and sits back to let the device’s motor do the work.

Make sure you check out the above video for a fuller explanation.

Inventor Brian Sloan assures us that there is no risk of the device short-circuiting. If you believe him, you can pre-order yours here.

Instructional video –

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Serial Cucumber Masterbator Arrested AGAIN | Salad Wanker

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Serial cucumber masturbator sentenced after being recognised in library

A judge has sentenced a man who was seen masturbating in a public library while holding a cucumber — and it wasn’t for the first time.

Fredrick Tennyson Davis, 49, was at the Agincourt Library in Toronto, Canada, on 31 May when he was spotted by staff.

Library employees recognised the man from the last time he had been caught in flagrante delicto with a salad item after he was seen carrying out the same lewd act in the library back in April.

Constable David Hopkinson of the Toronto Police Service revealed that subtlety was not Mr Davis’ strong suit.

‘On April 7, he sits down and a 26-year-old woman sits next to him and he opens up his laptop,’ Constable Hopkinson told the Sun News Network.

The man then started masturbating with one hand while clutching a cucumber with the other, Hopkinson said.

Mr Davis was charged with an indecent act and two counts of failure to comply with probation. York Regional Police Constable Andy Pattenden revealed that Mr Davis was charged with a similar act back in June 2012 at a different library.

It isn’t known whether Mr Davis recycles the cucumbers or uses a fresh one each time.

The judge handed down a suspended sentence and 12 months probation to the man.

When pressed as to whether Mr Davis had posed a threat to library staff, Constable Hopkinson remarked:

‘I don’t think he had any free hands to make a threat.’

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29 Facts You Learn As An Adult | Adult Survival Guide

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As and adult you learn many facts, tricks and tips to life. These facts are collected as knowledge and these tips are then common knowledge or facts that hep you live in the adult world.

Many of these facts you learn as an adult as you grow up and make those mistakes that teach you the facts that are helpful as an adult. Funny facts, weird facts, strange facts and survival tips are all needed to help you live an as adult even if you never admit to it.

  1. Adult Fact 1 – BIN BAGS – You get 2 types of bin bags… thick ones and USELESS ones
  2. Adult Fact 2 – LOO ROLL – Make sure you pay for comfy loo roll or run the risk of a shitty finger
  3. Adult Fact 3 – HOW TO – THE WASHING MACHINE – Why doe Washing Machines have 30MIL settings?? I JUST WANT “CLEAN MY CLOTHES!”
  4. Adult Fact 4 – COFFEE IS EXPENSIVE
  5. Adult Fact 5 – NEIGHBOURS WILL ANNOY YOU
  6. Adult Fact 6 – KIDS SEEM TO GET LOUDER
  7. Adult Fact 7 – YOU HORDE CARRIER BAGS
  8. Adult Fact 8 – 3 IS BETTER THAN 2, 5 I BETTER THAN 3 – DECORATING
  9. Adult Fact 9 – Learn to COOK! You cant live off a microwave all your life.
  10. Adult Fact 10 – WE ALL HAVE A MONICA OR MAN CUPBOARD or DRAW
  11. Adult Fact 11 – YOU WILL DEVELOP THE “I MIGHT NEED THAT” GENE
  12. Adult Fact 12 – YOU WILL DEVELOP A “DIY TO DO LIST”
  13. Adult Fact 13 – CANDLES ARE FOR DECORATION, NOT FOR LIGHTING
  14. Adult Fact 14 – POSTERS ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE IN A LIVING  ROOM UNLESS THEY ARE FRAMED
  15. Adult Fact 15 – When you move into your own place you realised YOU CAN WALK AROUND NAKED!!
  16. Adult Fact 16 – COUNCIL TAX is rapey
  17. Adult Fact 17 – TV LICENCE is even rapey-er
  18. Adult Fact 18 – YOU NEED A CALENDER TO REMEMBER ANYTHING – or it will never get done
  19. Adult Fact 19 – LOVE COMES and GO & EACH ONE FEELS LIKE “THE ONE” – but each one will make you more cynical
  20. Adult Fact 20 – BACON AND COFFEE CAN SOLVE EVERYTHING – no explanation needed
  21. Adult Fact 21 – It is your duty to wipe ALL PORN from your best mates computer when he dies.
  22. Adult Fact 22 – YOU CAN SAY “WHAT?” 3 TIMES BEFORE YOU JUST SMILE AND NOD
  23. Adult Fact 23 – SNOOZE BUTTON IS JUST A “GUIDE” 4 YOUR  ALARM
  24. Adult Fact 24 – FRIENDS COME AND GO BUT ITS THE TRUE FRIENDS THAT STICK AROUND
  25. Adult Fact 25 – BULBS WILL GO AT THE MOST ANNOYING MOMENTS
  26. Adult Fact 26 – YOU WILL FEAR EVERY AGE MILESTONE
  27. Adult Fact 27 – The older you get the more conspiracy  theories you believe
  28. Adult Fact 28 – The older you get the more you fear the  zombie apocalypse
  29. Adult Fact 29 – You will realise that in the future they WILL remake or add a sequel to all your childhood movies and TV shows
  •  – TMNT
  •  – Robocop
  •  – Goonies
  •  – Nightmare On Elm Street
  •  – Total Recall
  •  – Batman
  •  – Spiderman

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