Usually found – the locker room
Often an older guy (although not exclusively) who never actually seems to leave the locker room. The nudist spends an inordinate amount of time in a state of complete undress, seemingly doing their best to always stand in a position that exposes them fully (usually one foot up on a bench).
Usually found – the cross-trainer
The kind of person who need only look at a treadmill to break into a sweat yet always seems to wear grey and never brings a towel. Be careful following them round the gym as they rarely wipe down any equipment, usually providing you with a cold shower if you get anywhere near them.
Usually found – the free weights section
There’s always that one person who wants everyone in the gym to know that they’re lifting weights. The screamer seems to revel in drawing attention by making as much noise as possible during a lift before dropping the weight and letting out a scream. Beware of the whooping when multiple screamers train together.
4.The Beauty Queen
Usually found – the exercise bike
The kind of girl who turns up to the gym in brand new sports gear, hair perfectly styled and a spade full of makeup on before managing to leave the gym in exactly the same perfectly quaffed state. Seems to spend more time gossiping and reading magazines than actually doing any exercise.
Usually found – around the PT’s
There’s always that one guy who seems to know everybody in the gym. His warm-up usually involves chats and high-fives with all the other bros meaning no exercise is done for the first half-hour in there. The mayor may not be the biggest or the strongest guy in the gym but he still walks around like he owns the place.
Usually found – hanging around the free weights
The ‘expert’ is that person who never seems to actually do any exercise, yet is constantly offering advice to others on how they can ‘improve’ their technique. The ‘expert’ seems to revel in disrupting people’s sets and generally causing a nuisance around the gym.
Usually found – anywhere there’s fresh meat
Often a divorcee, the cougar is usually a middle aged woman on the hunt for some new young meat. The cougar works hard in the gym to try and keep in great shape but always has one eye on any potential prey, especially in the free weights section.
Usually found – anywhere there’s a mirror
The selfie is the kind of gym-goer who doesn’t seem capable of going up to the gym without their mobile phone. If they’re not checking in on Facebook then they’re usually taking a selfie which they can put on Instagram later. Should you ever be able to tempt them away from their phones you’ll struggle to draw their attention from the mirrors.
Usually found – the weights room
The dude is often an older guy who tends to keep himself to himself. Most people will completely fail to notice him when at the gym, but to those who pay enough attention they will realise this guy knows his stuff. He has perfect form on every rep and despite not looking like anything special he warms up with your one rep max.
10.The Protein Monster
Usually found – in the locker room
The protein monster is often just about the skinniest bloke in the gym, yet chugs down whey protein like there’s no tomorrow. Unfortunately what he fails to realise is that you actually need to lift some weights to bulk up.
Usually found – the corner of the gym
The monopoliser is possibly the single most annoying person in the gym. They seem to try to gather as many weights and machines as possible before proceeding to lay claim to all of them throughout the duration of their workout. There is no point approaching them however as they will simply tell you the machine/weight is in use despite not having touched it yet.
12.The Window Shoppers
Usually found – anywhere there’s a potential partner
The window shopper seems to see the gym as an opportunity to meet a new partner. Much like the beauty queen they come fully decked out in new gear, spending most of their time eyeing up potential mates and will take any opportunity to try to strike up a conversation.
Usually found – amongst the weights machines
You can’t fault the gym newbie for enthusiasm, they throw themselves into every machine they possible can and often find new, totally ‘unique’ ways to use them. The problem is the newbie usually has terrible form and no plan so ends up going round in circles until someone points them in the right direction.
14.The Couch Potato
Usually found – sitting bike
The couch potato probably gets more exercise walking from their car to the locker room than they do in the gym itself. They can usually be found sitting around on the bikes pedaling at a rate that can barely constitute movement whilst reading a novel heavier than any weight they will ever lift.
15.The Super Woman
Usually found – free weights section
There’s always at least one girl in the gym who seems capable of lifting more than any of the blokes in there. She always looks in fantastic shape but doesn’t feel the need to flaunt it like the beauty queen. The Super Woman can usually be found warming up with a weight heavier than your PB.
16. The Yoga Guy
Usually found – any class that contains at least an 80% female attendance
The guy who you always see around but never actually in the gym. Spend long enough looking though and you’ll find him attending any class with a primarily female audience. Always looks a bit too keen to partake in partner based activities, especially ones that involve contact.