Month: June 2014

Man Gets Stuck In Giant Vagina

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Student gets stuck in giant stone vagina

What was meant to be a funny dare turned into an utter embarrassment for an American exchange student, who found himself trapped in a giant stone vagina in Germany.

Firefighters had to be called in to deliver the man, head-first, to safety after his foot became trapped in the large marble sculpture at Tubingen University in Germany.

The unnamed man is believed to have been dared to climb inside the sculpture, which sits outside the university’s institute for microbiology and virology.

But his legs soon became wedged in the carving and, despite labouring to free himself, the experts had to be summoned.

A local newspaper, Schwäbisches Tagblatt, reported that the emergency services received a call at 1.45pm on Friday to say a young man was “stuck in a stone vulva”.

A total of 22 firefighters, five fire engines and a number of paramedics were sent to the scene, and quickly freed the man “by hand without use of equipment”, the newspaper reported.

Erick Guzman took photographs of the incident and posted them on Imgur, saying: ‘I was there!!! He just wanted to take a funny picture.

“The fire department was not really amused, and he was really embarrassed.”

The sculpture, by Peruvian artist Fernando de la Jara, has sat outside the university for 13 years and was not damaged.

The man was not harmed, although his reputation has been.

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A Very Hairy Happy YouTube Birthday Message | 1 Year On YouTube

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This time last year a very nervous and hairy man decided to pick up a compact camera an make an introduction video and post it to YouTube. This very shaky and tinny video that still remains online to this day was the start of a very addictive hobby that has helped me in many ways.

I would like to thank everyone who has reached out to comment on my videos, share my videos, like/hate my videos and have been able to watch these videos even when they was cringe worthy. I would also like to thank everyone who has added me on Facebook, twitter, WordPress, YTTalk and all the other social networks I like to ply my trade.

In the last 365 days I have made some wonderful friends and subscribers who have helped me in more way than they may realise. Making my YouTube videos in the last year have been a way for me to grow as a human being, to release my frustrations and to learn to be myself even when I feel blue.

In the last 12 months I have been blessed with such wonderful comments and assistance from so many people even when I’m boring you with what food I am cooking or what hideously cheesy film I want you to watch.

Once again THANK YOU. THANK YOU if you’ve taken part in the #HairyMovieClub. THANK YOU if you’ve sent me messages on videos, Facebook or twitter, and THANK YOU for watching my videos even if you are brand new to my madness and you’ve only just started to laugh at my hairy face.

I will continue to share the insanity that is in my head for as long as you wish me to.

Love You All, From Alan aka “MrHairyBrit”

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Cow Gets Stuck On Roof in Switzerland

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Apparently tired of spending her days grazing the same grassy field, this cow decided to go in search of some pastures new.

But the bold bovine may have regretted her little adventure after becoming stuck on a roof in the ‘gateway to the Swiss Alps’.

Stunned cyclist Rolf Steiner spotted the adventurous animal chilling out on the slippery slate roof of a farmhouse near the capital Bern.

‘I couldn’t believe my eyes and had to look three times to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. A cow on the roof,’ he said.

The cow eventually managed to find her way back down to her field, breaking a few tiles in the process.

‘She always was one of my most cantankerous beasts, always wanting to do it her way, not mine,’ explained farm owner Dieter Mueller.

‘She would have stayed up there for eternity if she had wanted to. I tried to coax her off when I first saw her but she wouldn’t budge.

‘She had to do things in her own sweet time. And I am left with the bill for replacing the tiles she smashed.’

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Wimbledon Full Movie Review #HairyMovieClub

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NEST WEEK IS ……….. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

Wimbledon is a 2004 romantic comedy film directed by Richard Loncraine. The film centers on a washed-up tennis pro named Peter Colt (played by Paul Bettany) and an up-and-coming tennis star named Lizzie Bradbury (played by Kirsten Dunst) during the Wimbledon Championships.

Peter Colt (Paul Bettany), an English professional tennis player in his thirties whose ranking has slipped from 11th to 119th in the world, considers that he never really had to fight for anything as his wealthy, but not close, family easily put him through studies and allowed him to pursue his tennis ambitions. He bravely exchanges jokes with his German sparring partner Dieter Prohl (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), who is in a similar position. Though he earns a wildcard spot to the Wimbledon tournament, he internally feels that it’s time to admit he’s getting too old to compete with fitter coming men (or boys) and intends, after this last Wimbledon, to take a job with the prestigious tennis club instead.

However, as Wimbledon begins, by accident, he bumps into Lizzie Bradbury (Kirsten Dunst), the American rising star of female tennis, falls in love with her and finds her interest in him changes his entire perception, even gives him the strength to win again. As their love grows, Peter’s game becomes better and better, but her game starts worsening as she spends too much time with Peter, ignoring her practice and tiredness. However, her overprotective father-manager Dennis Bradbury (Sam Neill) proves determined to nip their relationship in the bud, believing it detrimental to her career. One day, Dennis comes to Peter’s old flat and yells at him for spoiling his daughter’s game. She overhears this and decides to leave him and focus on her game.

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Crazy Hello Kitty Lady Spends £50,000 on Merchandise | Not Avril Lavigne

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Crazy Hello Kitty Lady Spends £50,000 on Merchandise | Not Avril Lavigne!

No one (and we mean no one) loves Hello Kitty more than Natasha Goldsworth

Oh we do love an obsessive collector, and Natasha Goldsworth is certainly that.

The 29-year-old, from Exeter, Devon, has accumulated a staggering 10,000 pieces of Hello Kitty merchandise over the past 15 years.

She told The Sun that her collection started when she was given a red Hello Kitty notebook at that age of 15: ‘from that moment on I just thought, I love that cat, I have to have more of that cat.’

And that’s exactly what she did.

Her comprehensive collection now covers everything from jewellery and furniture, to clothing, kitchenware, and of course cuddly toys.

4,000 cuddly toys to be precise.

And in a front runner for the title of ‘Understatement of the Year’, Natasha told The Sun: ‘I have quite a lot now.’

Now obviously a collection like this doesn’t come cheap, and Natasha estimates she’s spent an astonishing £50,000 so far.

But don’t go thinking that any piece of Hello Kitty merch will do. No, you may be surprised to hear (we certainly were) that there are some Hello Kitty pieces not to Natasha’s taste: ‘There are certain Hello Kitty things I’m not so keen on, like the gothic or the punk style.’

We hear ya sister.

As you can imagine, such a vast collection of cartoon-cat covered merchandise isn’t a massive turn-on for the opposite sex, and Natasha admitted: ‘Some men can’t cope with it at all. They feel very uncomfortable. They don’t know where to sit or where to look.’

In fact, her collection has been the downfall of more than one relationship, but Natasha remains defiant: ‘If a man doesn’t like my kitty kingdom then I’m not interested.’

We think we may have just found our new favourite motto.

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30 Half Naked And Hairy Questions #AskAlan4

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From time to time I invite you to submit questions for a Q&A session and this is the rather mixed bag of questions from the Hairy Family 🙂

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Automated Blowjob Machine Crowdfunded | Indiegogo AutoBlow2

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Crowdfunded oral sex machine is now available for pre-order

The only thing stranger than products on crowdfunding sites is the fact they sometimes reach their investment targets.

Take the Autoblow 2 for example, an innovative sex toy that uses a motor to give the more discerning gentleman hands free stimulation.

This means he can now punctuate World of Warcraft sessions, 4Chan and crushing loneliness with a ‘surprisingly good’ substitute for oral sex.

The fellatio-bot got a lot of press about a month ago, after it was posted on crowdfunding site Indiegogo by a company known as Letsgasm!

In the time since it has not only reached its investment target of $45,000, but has received another $235,247 on top of that.

Unlike the more traditional Fleshlight, the Autoblow 2 works electronically. The user inserts himself into the contraption, plugs it in, and sits back to let the device’s motor do the work.

Make sure you check out the above video for a fuller explanation.

Inventor Brian Sloan assures us that there is no risk of the device short-circuiting. If you believe him, you can pre-order yours here.

Instructional video –

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Serial Cucumber Masterbator Arrested AGAIN | Salad Wanker

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Serial cucumber masturbator sentenced after being recognised in library

A judge has sentenced a man who was seen masturbating in a public library while holding a cucumber — and it wasn’t for the first time.

Fredrick Tennyson Davis, 49, was at the Agincourt Library in Toronto, Canada, on 31 May when he was spotted by staff.

Library employees recognised the man from the last time he had been caught in flagrante delicto with a salad item after he was seen carrying out the same lewd act in the library back in April.

Constable David Hopkinson of the Toronto Police Service revealed that subtlety was not Mr Davis’ strong suit.

‘On April 7, he sits down and a 26-year-old woman sits next to him and he opens up his laptop,’ Constable Hopkinson told the Sun News Network.

The man then started masturbating with one hand while clutching a cucumber with the other, Hopkinson said.

Mr Davis was charged with an indecent act and two counts of failure to comply with probation. York Regional Police Constable Andy Pattenden revealed that Mr Davis was charged with a similar act back in June 2012 at a different library.

It isn’t known whether Mr Davis recycles the cucumbers or uses a fresh one each time.

The judge handed down a suspended sentence and 12 months probation to the man.

When pressed as to whether Mr Davis had posed a threat to library staff, Constable Hopkinson remarked:

‘I don’t think he had any free hands to make a threat.’

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29 Facts You Learn As An Adult | Adult Survival Guide

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As and adult you learn many facts, tricks and tips to life. These facts are collected as knowledge and these tips are then common knowledge or facts that hep you live in the adult world.

Many of these facts you learn as an adult as you grow up and make those mistakes that teach you the facts that are helpful as an adult. Funny facts, weird facts, strange facts and survival tips are all needed to help you live an as adult even if you never admit to it.

  1. Adult Fact 1 – BIN BAGS – You get 2 types of bin bags… thick ones and USELESS ones
  2. Adult Fact 2 – LOO ROLL – Make sure you pay for comfy loo roll or run the risk of a shitty finger
  3. Adult Fact 3 – HOW TO – THE WASHING MACHINE – Why doe Washing Machines have 30MIL settings?? I JUST WANT “CLEAN MY CLOTHES!”
  4. Adult Fact 4 – COFFEE IS EXPENSIVE
  5. Adult Fact 5 – NEIGHBOURS WILL ANNOY YOU
  6. Adult Fact 6 – KIDS SEEM TO GET LOUDER
  7. Adult Fact 7 – YOU HORDE CARRIER BAGS
  8. Adult Fact 8 – 3 IS BETTER THAN 2, 5 I BETTER THAN 3 – DECORATING
  9. Adult Fact 9 – Learn to COOK! You cant live off a microwave all your life.
  10. Adult Fact 10 – WE ALL HAVE A MONICA OR MAN CUPBOARD or DRAW
  11. Adult Fact 11 – YOU WILL DEVELOP THE “I MIGHT NEED THAT” GENE
  12. Adult Fact 12 – YOU WILL DEVELOP A “DIY TO DO LIST”
  13. Adult Fact 13 – CANDLES ARE FOR DECORATION, NOT FOR LIGHTING
  14. Adult Fact 14 – POSTERS ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE IN A LIVING  ROOM UNLESS THEY ARE FRAMED
  15. Adult Fact 15 – When you move into your own place you realised YOU CAN WALK AROUND NAKED!!
  16. Adult Fact 16 – COUNCIL TAX is rapey
  17. Adult Fact 17 – TV LICENCE is even rapey-er
  18. Adult Fact 18 – YOU NEED A CALENDER TO REMEMBER ANYTHING – or it will never get done
  19. Adult Fact 19 – LOVE COMES and GO & EACH ONE FEELS LIKE “THE ONE” – but each one will make you more cynical
  20. Adult Fact 20 – BACON AND COFFEE CAN SOLVE EVERYTHING – no explanation needed
  21. Adult Fact 21 – It is your duty to wipe ALL PORN from your best mates computer when he dies.
  22. Adult Fact 22 – YOU CAN SAY “WHAT?” 3 TIMES BEFORE YOU JUST SMILE AND NOD
  23. Adult Fact 23 – SNOOZE BUTTON IS JUST A “GUIDE” 4 YOUR  ALARM
  24. Adult Fact 24 – FRIENDS COME AND GO BUT ITS THE TRUE FRIENDS THAT STICK AROUND
  25. Adult Fact 25 – BULBS WILL GO AT THE MOST ANNOYING MOMENTS
  26. Adult Fact 26 – YOU WILL FEAR EVERY AGE MILESTONE
  27. Adult Fact 27 – The older you get the more conspiracy  theories you believe
  28. Adult Fact 28 – The older you get the more you fear the  zombie apocalypse
  29. Adult Fact 29 – You will realise that in the future they WILL remake or add a sequel to all your childhood movies and TV shows
  •  – TMNT
  •  – Robocop
  •  – Goonies
  •  – Nightmare On Elm Street
  •  – Total Recall
  •  – Batman
  •  – Spiderman

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Sexy Lingerie Fighting Championship | Female Sexy UFC

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Lingerie Fighting Championships are just what they sound like

Move over Froch vs. Groves (Picture: LFC/Facebook)

This is basically every teenage boy’s wet dream (we can’t believe it really exists) – forget Froch vs. Groves, the big match actually took place last night.

Yes, as all real sports fans will know, it was all about LFC19: Hadden vs Mei.

For those who still have no idea, this is the Lingerie Fighting Championships which took place at the Silver Nugget Casino in Las Vegas on Friday night.

Billed as ‘MMA’s (that’s mixed martial arts) most controversial league’, LFC (which should not be confused with Liverpool Football Club), is exactly what it sounds like – women fighting in their underwear.

Seriously.

NORTH LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 30:  Fighters Feather "The Hammer" Hadden (bottom) and Holly "The Lotus" Mei compete during the Lingerie Fighting Championships' LFC 19 event at the Silver Nugget Event Center on May 30, 2014 in North Las Vegas, Nevada. Hadden won the bout.  (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
Feather “The Hammer” Hadden and Holly “The Lotus” Mei in action (Picture: Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

Last night, in front of a packed house (hardly surprising considering tickets were a measly $20 on the door) Feather ‘The Hammer’ Hadden (dressed in a sheer black and blue slip) defended her Lingerie Fighting Championship belt against challenger Holly ‘The Lotus’ Mei (who was wearing a fluro pink-trimmed lace maids oufit).

NORTH LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 30: Fighters Riley "Nuclear" Norris (top) and Susan "Tatia" Cordell compete during the Lingerie Fighting Championships' LFC 19 event at the Silver Nugget Event Center on May 30, 2014 in North Las Vegas, Nevada. Cordell won the bout. (Picture: Getty)
Riley “Nuclear” Norris beating the *!$* out of Susan “Tatia” Cordell (Picture: Getty)

There were also matches between Serina “Honey Punch” Kyle and Maxine “The Boss” Frost as well as Megan “Baby” Doll and Brenda “Juice” Jones.

NORTH LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 30: Fighters Sheila "Crash" Cardinal (L) and Beth "Mount Crush" Moore compete during the Lingerie Fighting Championships' LFC 19 event at the Silver Nugget Event Center on May 30, 2014 in North Las Vegas, Nevada. Cardinal won the bout. (Picture: Getty)
Beth “Mount Crush” Moore lives up to her name (Picture: Getty)

But look guys, let’s be honest; if you clicked on this link you don’t really care about the facts and figures, ins and outs, or the rules of the game, do you?

No, you just want to look at pictures of women in their nick-nacks pulling each other’s hair.

Fine, have it your way. We give up.

NORTH LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 30: Fighters Serina "Honey Punch" Kyle (L) and Maxine "The Boss" Frost compete during the Lingerie Fighting Championships' LFC 19 event at the Silver Nugget Event Center on May 30, 2014 in North Las Vegas, Nevada. Frost won the bout. (Picture: Getty)
Serina “Honey Punch” Kyle battles it out with Maxine “The Boss” Frost. Frost won (Picture: Getty)
NORTH LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 30: Fighters Sheila "Crash" Cardinal (L) and Beth "Mount Crush" Moore compete during the Lingerie Fighting Championships' LFC 19 event at the Silver Nugget Event Center on May 30, 2014 in North Las Vegas, Nevada. Cardinal won the bout. (Picture: Getty)
Sheila “Crash” Cardinal and Beth “Mount Crush” Moore coordinated in matching tights – CUTE! (Picture: Getty)
NORTH LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 30: Fighters Robyn "Ruthless" Hawkins (L) and Lauren "The Animal" Erickson compete during the Lingerie Fighting Championships' LFC 19 event at the Silver Nugget Event Center on May 30, 2014 in North Las Vegas, Nevada. Erickson won the bout. (Picture: Getty)
Robyn “Ruthless” Hawkins and Lauren “The Animal” Erickson get punchy in suspenders (Picture: Getty)
NORTH LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 30: Fighters Megan "Baby" Doll (L) and Brenda "Juice" Jones compete during the Lingerie Fighting Championships' LFC 19 event at the Silver Nugget Event Center on May 30, 2014 in North Las Vegas, Nevada. Doll won the bout. (Picture: Getty)
Megan “Baby” Doll and Brenda “Juice” Jones tried to pull each others heads off like they were Barbies (Picture: Getty)
NORTH LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 30: Fighter Maxine "The Boss" Frost (L) kicks fighter Serina "Honey Punch" Kyle during the Lingerie Fighting Championships' LFC 19 event at the Silver Nugget Event Center on May 30, 2014 in North Las Vegas, Nevada. Frost won the bout. (Picture: Getty)
Maxine “The Boss” Frost kicked Serina “Honey Punch” on the tush (Picture: Getty)
NORTH LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 30: Fighters Lauren "The Animal" Erickson (L) and Robyn "Ruthless" Hawkins compete during the Lingerie Fighting Championships' LFC 19 event at the Silver Nugget Event Center on May 30, 2014 in North Las Vegas, Nevada. Erickson won the bout. (Picture: Getty)
We rather like Robyn “Ruthless” Hawkins spangly pink garter belt. Don’t judge us. (Picture: Getty)

Piggy Jumps To Slaughterhouse Freedom

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Piggy Jumps To Slaughterhouse Freedom

Determined pig jumps from moving truck to escape slaughterhouse

This little piggy will not be going to market after escaping from a moving truck on the way to a slaughterhouse.

The sow, who has since been nicknamed Babe, after the Hollywood film, was captured jumping 16ft to freedom in south China.

A witness said the pig climbed over the backs of her fellow porkers before leaping out of the slaughterhouse van.

Miraculously she escaped unhurt and has now been adopted by police who responded to the incident in the Guangxi region.

‘She was safe and sound after her leap,’ said a police spokesman, ‘but found herself lost in the big city.

‘If we hadn’t have got to her he would have undoubtedly found himself at the end of a blade wielded by a local who would have enjoyed pork for days to come.’

He added: ‘She saw one chance of freedom by clambering on the backs of the other pigs and took it.

‘She deserves her chance of life and she has got it. She will never be eaten here.’

Babe is being kept at the police station and is living happily in a pen usually reserved for a police dog.

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Rik Mayall dead: Comedian and actor dies aged 56

British comedian and actor Rik Mayall has died aged 56, according to his management team.

He played the obnoxious, poetry-writing anarchist Rick in The Young Ones alongside his friend, Adrian Edmonson before the duo later went on to star in their sitcom Bottom.

Mayall also appeared in shows including Blackadder and The New Statesman.

He was left seriously ill after a quad bike accident in 1998 which left him in a coma for several days.

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Mayall’s film roles included the comedies Drop Dead Fred and Guest House Paradiso.

His big break came at The Comic Strip Club, performing with comedy partner Adrian Edmondson as 20th Century Coyote in the 1980s which led to cult television hit The Comic Strip Presents.

He co-wrote The Young Ones with Lise Mayer and Ben Elton, which shared cult status and schoolboy humour with later sitcom Bottom.

Mayall and Edmonson’s slapstick comedy often involved fires, explosions, and hefty blows to the head with a frying pan.

Mayall also famously played the loud-mouthed and lecherous Lord Flashheart in BBC comedy series Blackadder, starring Rowan Atkinson.

He appeared in the second and fourth series, shouting catchphrases such as “woof!” and “let’s do-oo-oo it!”.

But his early, anarchic characters gave way to the smooth, scheming Conservative politician Alan B’Stard in The New Statesman, which ran on ITV from 1986 to 1992.

Time To Kill Justin Bieber? Miley Cyrus? Lindsay Lohan? One Direction?

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Time To Kill Justin Bieber? Miley Cyrus? Lindsay Lohan? One Direction?

I the light of recent Justin Bieber bullshit It got me thinking.

DO WE SET UP YOUNG STARS TO MAKE THEM FAIL?

The media loves a teenage sweetheart – Michael Jackson, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Justin Bieber, One Direction (Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson) and Avril Lavigne being some of the recent ones.

The media loves a teenage sweetheart but after years of bathing in the limelight 2 things happen

1 – the media get bored and feel the star owes them a constant vein of news

2 – they watch with gleeful eyes as the media attention goes to the kids head and either snaps (Britney spears), doesnt grow up (MJ) or acts out (Miley Cyrus & Bieber)

WOULD THIS BE SUCH A BIG THING IF THEY WAS A NORMAL KID?

One Direction smoke Weed
Bieber Egging House / Pissing In Bucket
Miley Twerking

Where were their parents? and why is Billy Ray Cyrus so creepy?

HOW SHOULD WE DEAL WITH IT?

Slap them in the face ad educate them?
OR
Declare it open season and allow people to hunt Justin Bieber down and kill him like the massive cunt he is?

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Under-skin Zip Line Suspension Record In Ukraine

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Couple hangs on body piercings to set record for longest Tyrolean traverse river crossing

Mariya Gafitsa and Pavlo Klets wore back harnesses in case the skin on their backs broke.

A couple have managed to break a world record, and presumably some pain barriers, when they crossed a river in a slightly unusual fashion.

Daredevils Mariya Gafitsa, 23 and Pavlo Klets, 24, completed the longest river traverse hanging from their back piercings.

The fearless couple attached clamps to implants under the skin on their backs and set out to cross the 550m wide Dnipro River in the Ukranian capital of Kiev.

They each wore a back-up harness in case the weight caused the skin on their back to tear, which would have sent them plummeting into the freezing water below.

Thankfully, the pair both made it to the other side in one piece, although their backs looked a little worse for wear after the ordeal.

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