Month: January 2014

Man Flu Is Real – The Shocking Truth!

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Man Flu is a crippling and debilitating disorder indiscriminately striking down male members of the human species without warning. The illness is often referred to pejoratively by female members of the species who are in fact immune from the illness as man flu is now known to exclusively attack the XY chromosome carrier. If Man Flu is kind enough not to kill the infected party it will definitely leave him weak, sick, hurting everywhere and in dire need of TLC.

Medical professionals now also widely recognise that self diagnosis by the sufferer is the best means of identification as the symptoms of Man Flu are far more severe than the simple common cold which predominantly targets the XX chromosome holders (i.e. females). This goes some way to explain the cynicism some women display towards their male counterparts.

FACT VS FICTION

Man Flu is simply a cold, the symptoms of which are greatly exaggerated by men.

FALSE – Man Flu is a serious and potentially life threatening illness, and will no doubt soon be on the Health and Safety Executive’s list of Reportable Diseases. Man Flu is a distinct disease in its own right, and should not be misdiagnosed as a mere common cold.

Women can catch Man Flu

FALSE – Man Flu does not attack humans with the XX chromosome, only those with the XY chromosome. This genetic mutation effectively immunises females against Man Flu. This may account for the reason that women widely believe that Man Flu is actually just the common cold, but with a bit of extra drama thrown in for good measure.

The best way to deal with Man Flu is to just ‘get on with it’

FALSE – Extensive research has proven that the only way to combat the crippling effects of Man Flu is complete withdrawal to the sofa and uninterrupted mollycoddling by the girlfriend / wife.

Men have a slower recovery rate from Man Flu than women do from the common cold

TRUE – The effects of Man Flu can linger for days and days, compared with just a few hours for the common cold. If the man is not permitted the correct period of convalescence following an attack of Man Flu he can be plunged back into a critical condition (see The Woman’s Role as Carer).

Man Flu is just a way for men to get sympathy / time off work / time in front of the telly

FALSE – Man Flu is a bona-fide and debilitating illness, would men make a meal of that sort of thing?

The pain and suffering of Man Flu is similar to that of child birth

TRUE – Though at least with child birth it’s all done and dusted in a few hours, but Man Flu can last for weeks…

The best cure for Man Flu is a cocktail of Night Nurse, Day Nurse, chicken noodle soup and whiskey.

FALSE – There is no cure for Man Flu. Once infected the afflicted can only hope that the gods roll the dice in favour of life rather than slow, lingering death.

While suffering from Man Flu, men would like nothing more than to go to work and try to forget about their affliction.

TRUE – However, men recognise the huge risk of spreading Man Flu to other men. Indeed, a single cough in the wrong direction could hold enough Man Flu germs to wipe out a small rainforest tribe.

The Woman’s Role as Carer

sexy latex pvc nurse fetish

If you find yourself in the position of primary carer for your boyfriend or husband then DO NOT PANIC. As explained elsewhere on this site you are completely immune from Man Flu.

Your beloved will shortly become completely dependant on you, requiring you to tend to his every need. Do not shun any request, don’t forget that the affliction that he’s suffering from is hundreds of times worse than the simple affliction which you know and understand as the common cold.

There are three distinct stages to Man Flu and it’s important you know your responsibilities :

Stage 1 – I think I’m coming down with a cold. Don’t forget, even medical experts recommend self diagnosis, and ALL men are experts at recognising the early stages. Here you will be expected to sympathise, any flippant comments now such as , “Oh I expect it’s Man Flu is it?”, will cause immediate deterioration. Preferred responses will be along the lines of, “There there, can I get you some chicken noodle soup and put your favourite Police! Camera! Action! DVD on?”. This stage can last from one to three days.

Stage 2 – It’s not a cold, it’s the ‘flu. Your beloved will barely be able to lift his fingers to work the remote control by now. There will be dramatic displays of coughing and chest holding. He will present a red and sniffly nose, and a phantom fever. Do not mention goo.gl/jrRpo6
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Best World Record Ever? | Belgium’s Got Talent World Record Attempt

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Is catching grapes in your mouth the silliest world record ever? – Best World Record Ever? | Belgium’s Got Talent World Record Attempt

Catching grapes in your mouth at record speed doesn’t sound like a significant feat but for one man suffering from a heart problem it represented his greatest ever victory.

Joris Goens (George)  brought legitimacy to the pastime of throwing food in the air and then trapping it in your mouth when he broke the world record for catching the most grapes in three minutes.

The 53-year-old, who is recovering from six heart bypass surgeries, managed to snare 223 grapes in the allotted time while appearing on Belgium’s Got Talent.

The previous Guinness World Record holder Ashrita Furman could only manage 213, but we’re not sure if that was because he was slower or had a smaller mouth.

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Top 10 Tips For New YouTubers #YouTube101 #Beginners #HowTo #Dummies #GetStarted #Vloggers #Rookies & Noobs

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10 Top Tips For YouTubers 2013 – YouTube 101 for Beginners

Was this helpful? THUMBS UP for YES … THUMBS DOWN for NO

I offer my top 10 tips for new vloggers on you tube. You dont need to swallow the bullshit just focus on the following tips.

Top 10 Youtube Tips For Rookies, Noobs, Newbies, Beginners

1 – Trailer
2 – Profile Picture
3 – Social Media (Twitter/FB)
4 – Branding
5 – Sound / Cam
6 – Engage People Ask Questions
7 – Reply! to fans and to videos
8 – Playlists
9 – Have Fun / Ignore the trolls
10 – Stick With It

If you keep going you might make it as big as Philip Defranco, SourceFed, Ray William Johnson, What The Buck, ShayCarl, ShayTards or even George Watsky
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Cool Runnings Full Movie Review | #HairyMovieClub

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Cool Runnings Full Movie Review | #HairyMovieClub #WeAreMovieClub #WAMC

NEXT WEEK IS – THE GOONIES FULL MOVIE REVIEW

Irv Blizter was an American bobsled two time Gold Medalist at the 1968 Winter Olympics who finished first in two events again during the 1972 Winter Olympics but was disqualified from the latter for cheating and retired in disgrace to Jamaica, where he leads an impoverished life as a bookie. Irving is approached by two Jamaican athletes: top 100m runner Derice Bannock, who failed to qualify for the 1988 Summer Olympics when another opponent accidentally tripped him at the trials, and Sanka Coffie, a champion push cart racer. Cool Runnings Full Movie Review

The athletes wish to use Irving’s previous experience as a Coach in order to compete in the 1988 Winter Olympics as bobsledders. Irving had been good friends with Derice’s father, Ben, a former sprinter whom Irving had tried to recruit for the bobsled team years ago, who is presumed to be deceased. Yul Brenner, another runner who was tripped at the qualifier, joins the team as does Junior Bevil, the runner who tripped Yul and Derice. Eventually Irving is convinced to coach the team.

The four try to find various ways to earn money to get in the Olympics; singing on the street, arm wrestling, and holding a kissing booth, but all fail. Junior, however, sells his car, which gets the team the money that they need. Later on in a hotel room, Junior reprimands Sanka for hurting Yul’s feelings and tells him about his father’s past and how he became rich with hard work. He encourages Yul not to give up on achieving all of his goals. Cool Runnings Full Movie Review

In Calgary, Irving manages to acquire an old practice sled, as the Jamaicans have never been in an actual bobsled. The Jamaicans are looked down upon by other countries, in particular the East German team whose arrogant leader, Josef, tells them to go home, resulting in a bar fight. The team resolves to view the contest more seriously, continuing to train and improve their technique. They qualify for the finals, but are briefly disqualified. At the primary judge meeting, a frustrated Irving immediately confronts his former coach from the ’72 Olympic Winter Games Kurt Hemphill, now a primary judge of the ’88 Olympic Winter Games, for disqualifying the Jamaicans for his mistake. He confesses that he made the biggest mistake in his life and resorted to cheating by hiding weights underneath the sled to make it run faster. Irving’s 1972 Gold Medals were revoked and he embarrassed his country with the scandal. He says that if Hemphill wants revenge, just punish him and not his team. He begs Hemphill to let the Jamaicans qualify and represent their country in the Olympics. Later, the judges overturn their decision and the Jamaicans are back in.

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A LETTER TO KATY PERRY

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A Letter To Katy Perry

Dear Katy,

Im writing you this letter and making this vlog as a way to prove I can change… also because i looked very closely and the retraining order doesn’t say I cant send you messages in video format….

I felt so guilty the other day… I tried to change and be like that love rat you married, I kissed a girl but it wasn’t you…

I love you Katy. I always have and I always will. Every moment I am always Thinking Of You. You are the shiny sexy latex Peacock in my life I just want to pluck.

And I know you love me too, we have that Alien connection like E.T, you’re not like all those other California Gurls and your secret messages to me in your videos and tv interviews give me that Electric Feel like Fireworks of love.

All those times you ignored me when I shouted your name at the recent music awards, I get it baby you want to play hard to get….

Last Friday Night I had a weak moment and I was starting to doubt your love was real. so I sat down for A Cup Of Coffee and you appeared to me with your Hummingbird Heartbeat

You teased me with your perfume advert, Dressin’ Up in all your finery and sexy clothes…. I know there is a hidden message to me in it but i haven’t worked out yet but dont worry baby I will…

Katy you blow “Hot ‘n’ Cold” and you run around like your One Of The Boys but we both know we are in just playing this game of love…

Anyway I need to go now… but for every day I’m Still Breathing ill make sure you’re not The One That Got Away

I love you KatyYou are a Part Of Me

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Note :
All my videos are made with a tongue firmly wedged into my cheek. I am here to make funny vlogs, funny movie reviews. funny rants, and add a funny spin on any topical news stories. I am always looking to collaborate with any fellow YouTubers so please contact me via YouTube messaging. These could be shout outs of cross promotion and I am open to any ideas so message me for anything and we can chat.

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Man torn between motorbike and wife puts both up for sale on Craigslist

For sale: Man puts motorbike AND wife on Craigslist
The controversial Craigslist user has invited bids for both his wife and his Harley Davidson motorcycle (Picture: Craiglist)

When your wife demands that you choose between her and a Harley Davidson motorcycle, many of us would just sell the bike and settle down.

But one man had a different idea. He decided to post a Craigslist advert, inviting punters to make offers on either his wife or his beloved motorcycle.

Known only as Bob, he even provides a blow-by-blow comparison between the two.

The businessman boasts his Sportster 2006 XL1200L is in excellent condition. Meanwhile, he claims his wife is a ’1959 model’ who is in pretty good nick, ‘considering’.

He shows pictures of the spotless bike and describes it as ‘well maintained’. Standing next to it is his loved one, who is described as ‘high maintenance’ as she smiles to the camera in an opulent coat.

He described the Sportster 2006 XL1200L as 'well maintained', while his wife, wearing an expensive coat, was labelled 'high maintenance' (Picture: Craigslist)
He described the Sportster 2006 XL1200L as ‘well maintained’, while his wife, wearing an expensive coat, was labelled ‘high maintenance’ (Picture: Craigslist)

And although the Sportster is great for beginners or seasoned riders, he warns that his wife is ‘the expert’s only model’.

He has an asking price of $5,900, but insists he’s open-minded about trades and offers a little lower than his target. Pick-up and delivery service is also available for lucky bidders in the state of Virginia.

Sooo Many Hallmark Card Holidays | Too Many Hallmark Card Holidays?

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Sooo Many Hallmark Card Holidays | Too Many Hallmark Card Holidays?

Is it me or do we have a Hallmark Card for everything these days? There is soooo many holidays now that if you was to adhere to them al them you’d never work. Its like Hallmark makes up these ideas just to make a card for it. Do we have too many holidays? Is there too many hallmark holiday cards? How many hallmark holidays do you have?

If you could invent a hallmark holiday what would it be?

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Fox Smashes Head Into Snow | What Does The Fox Say?

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Fox Smashes Head Into Snow | What Does The Fox Say?

This is one hungry fox.

The animal was snapped with its head buried in the snow after jumping 3ft in the air while hunting a vole.

The moment was caught be eagle-eyed photographer Mike Eastman, who lives and works in the wilds of Wyoming, in the US.

‘He went down and popped back up with it a few moments later, it was incredible skill to be able to break through the ice and land directly on his target,’ he said.

‘He couldn’t resist a meal.’

And yes, the fox did eventually emerge from the ice with the vole in its mouth.

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Your 2014 New Year Resolutions and Maybe Mine As Well

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Your 2014 New Years Resolutions and Maybe Mine As Well

Most people make New Year Resolutions. These are those little New Year Promises you make yourself. I want to lose weight, i want to be healthier etc etc But are these your new years resolution?

Always promised myself I would write a letter – Why dont you do the same?

2014 New Years Resolution 1 – Weigh Less / Be More active
2014 New Years Resolution 2 – Keep learning new skills
2014 New Years Resolution 3 – Keep learning new recipies
2014 New Years Resolution 4 – Worry Less / Overthinking

One I need your help with..
2014 New Years Resolution 5 – 5000 subs for xmas

CAN YOU SUGGEST SOME NYRs?
WHAT ARE YOUR NYRs?

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2013 A Hairy Year In Review | Happy New Year & #ThankYou … Yes, YOU!

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2013 A Hairy Year In Review | Happy New Year

I dont do many personal Alan vlogs. 2013 is coming to a close and so I thought I would do a year-in-review type vlog chatting and rambling my way through 2013, my life and my general experiences.

2013 has been a roller-coaster for me personally. Sadly 2013 didnt start off too well but my friends where there to help me and pick me up and make me smile. 2013 had many surprises and experiences. Download 2013 was amazing and I made some wonderful friends.

2013 was also the year I started to vlog. YouTube has helped me accept myself for who I am and helped me grow my confidence a little. I would like to thank everyone that’s been there for me in 2013 and I wish them all the best for 2014.

2014 IS COMING!!!

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